I once heard a male friend say, "Oh I don't like all that tantric sh..t. All that looking into people's eyes. I can't stand it."
I was amused at his 'wipe the slate' interpretation about what Tantra really is and I also was amused for equally the opposite thing - because ... I got him. I really did.
All too often I have been in situations at workshops and groups over the years where people seem to make a competition of how long they can stand and eyeball you with all their love. Or hug you for what seems like eternity! .... And hey, I like hugs! All with good intentions I am sure.
Now I don't want to minimise the true authentic potential and depth that the meeting of the eyes has. (or long hugging for that matter). In fact, I am all for it. But let's get real.
There is a difference between invading someone's space, on even a subtle energetic level, and inviting them into a space ... of simplicity and love.
Are you an invader or an inviter? Until a level of trust and rapport has been established with another, it can be pretty awkard to try and create intimacy through extended and uninvited eye contact or getting close physically.
There has to be an opening first - a pathway, a softening, a yielding.
One of the most deceptively simple yet profound ways you can create intimacy as a couple through the eyes, is to first start with yourself ..... Try this little exercise... you'll see where I'm heading...
Instead of reaching out, looking out, you start to invert your attention, bring what you see back in to you. Sound strange?
Try it right now as you read. Consciously notice yourself looking AT the text, focussing all your attention OUT, as you normally would. Then take a breath in, energetically soften your eyes, even close your eyes momentarily, and open your eyes receiving IN what you see. It's subtle but really noticably different. And it's more relaxing.
Start doing this, as you move around in your daily activities.
Consciously inviting yourself to receive IN rather than look OUT. Imagine if you were looking at your partner in this way, with relaxed eyes. Imagine how they would receive it differently compared to you looking out intently at them, over in their space.
This is a beautiful way to invite the other into the space of intimacy. Rather than invading their space, be the invitation and move into making love from a completely different angle. You will notice the difference, believe me! It can be profound and very heart opening - 'the best forplay ever', as one man put it!
If you'd like to create a deeply connected, intimate relationship, come to the brand new OPENING TO LOVE RETREAT, 3 days and 4 nights to deepen intimacy and take the stress out of sex. Love to see you there. or call me on 0428 726 849
And if you are a woman who wants to immerse in your journey as a woman, come and join me for the 6 Month Womantime Immersion - where I share all my secrets in an intimate space for a small group of women. Click here for more info.
You can download this on Soundcloud.
Forgive me for the play on words here. Taken from Esther Perels' book Mating in Captivity, which speaks to the unnatural demand monogamy puts on couples.
Well, some couples prefer to be monogamous and if you are one of those, then you may have experienced once or twice the feeling of monotony come over your relationship, you, or the other. Or perhaps your original commitment has felt like entrapment.
Menopause can be a powerful and transformational gateway into the next stage of a woman’s life if she is willing to accept with grace the changes taking place within her body.
It’s a time of transition, physically, emotionally and spiritually, a time of stepping into a new phase of life. This is often a time when life circumstances push us to make the change we’ve been avoiding for years.
It’s a time when women can feel quite broken emotionally and result in a deep lack of self-worth, even self-hatred for not living up to the expectations of society, peers, family or self.
I heard a beautiful woman today speak of her yearning for a great intimate relationship but said she felt like a ship out to sea with no rudder. I know this feeling.
She’d done so many workshops on sexuality and webinars and courses, and to my surprise, she still felt none of them gave her what she was wanting – a deep connection with herself and connection with her husband.
I hear this often ....
I was speaking with a client the other day, who was completely confused at what happened when she was dating a man she actually really liked. They had only been going out a short time – a few dates and they made love a couple of times. It was 'delicious' as she said. Her whole being wanted to be with him and she was looking forward to the next time.
When Michelangelo was asked 'How did he create the David?', he said, "The form is already there, I just take away what it is not."
I spent time with my grandchild the other day. I wonder at who she will be in twenty years time. How will life mould her.
She reminds me of how we are born as a pure expression of love and innocence and then as we grow older, we seem to develop ways of hiding away this love, as protection or survival.
I wonder that our purpose is to be the loving sculptor, to remember this love and find ways to allow what isn't love to fall away, to let down our guard, to reveal who we really are.
Opening to Love Retreat
24th - 28th April, 2018
Montville, Sunshine Coast, QLD
How I Transformed Depression
16th-19th August, 2018
Montville, Sunshine Coast, QLD