Topic: "making love"
As I've grown older and going through the changes as a post-menopausal woman, I can't say that I have escaped body image issues through my years or that I was that artful at not passing this on as a young Mum. I'm sad about this. Yet it's so common. Even with the best of intentions, somehow our children absorb it, if not from the overculture around us.
Birthing my two children changed me forever.
I am not one to use goddess clichés as I think that word has become a soulless commodity of the new age, but I have to say that at 30 years of age, while birthing my second child , my daughter, at home, I felt the full girth of the goddess move through me like a force
As the years have gone on, there's one distinction that has become clearer and clearer to me around this crazy thing called Love.
And that is the pathway to sexual intimacy, well at least one with depth and sweetness - is through emotional intimacy and connection.
And by emotional intimacy, I don't mean becoming highly emotional and then making love to 'make it better'. I mean tender, heart connected, verbal and non-verbal,...
You're both mutually attracted to each other. The passion has run high. But somewhere along the line, things changed. He wants it. You don't. She wants it. You don't.
Games and avoidances start to be played. One constantly moves towards the other for intimacy. And the other just wants to run a mile!
This can be the point where a relationship falls over or falters. For the intrepid traveller of inquiry and personal growth, this can be a challenge that can bring both of you either to new heights or bring you to your knees.
One that calls for a deepened maturity, the point where the one who wants to run, can meet the resistence or the one who is always moving towards, finds a way to healthily and lovingly contain (not suppress) your powerful desire to connect. Neither are wrong. That's the important thing to know. Neither.
It's good to realise that there IS NOTHING wrong with either. But how you RESPOND is what makes all the difference and will be the difference between breaking down the relationship or creating more building blocks and foundation for healthy intimacy.
Last week it was my father's birthday. He would have been 91. It reminded me of the days before he passed in January 2015, when I would sit silently with him.
Watching his closed eyes, seeing him breathe in and out quietly and gently, while stroking his body or holding his hand, my eyes would moisten. I was so moved as I contemplated the pure love of this man I could proudly call my Dad.
One of the biggest complaints I hear from couples at The Making Love Retreat and from clients is that they are time poor.
‘We want to make love but we just don’t have the time.’ It is true that fulfilling lovemaking does require time. But when we do finally make love we are often in a hurry to get it over and done with, to get to the end, the goal, the orgasm.
Always striving towards something in a hurried way often means we are not really present. We are ahead of ourselves. Also if we don’t orgasm, with the downward release of energy, then we think it’s not really sex.
Women are in distress ...
I've been contemplating the idea of Dynamic Stillness in relation to making love lately.
To me Dynamic equals life force.
Stillness equals power as it's in the deep inner space of our being that power resides.
So Powerful Life Force is what we are talking about.
How to be dynamically still in your life and whilst making love?
It seems like a contradiction. Surely you have to move for something to be dynamic? For it to be fun, to be interesting?
The use of Pornography must be one of the most polarising subjects around when it comes to sexuality and relationships.
Shrouded in secrecy, both women and men, silent for their own reasons - men for their shame and guilt. (Men more commonly use Pornography more than women)
And women, for their feelings of betrayal and shame that they are 'not enough' for their husband, who has to resort to porn to satisfy him.
A sense of failure prevails for both. Deep wounding is triggered and is created fresh in the moment, as each click drives another relationship to the wall.
(Please note some aspects of this post may offend)
As women are we lost?
Are we striving too hard for some idealised dream of sex and love, floundering around in the mind's swirling offerings, exhausted by the effort of seeking?
Are we getting buried by our own expectations, leaving us incapable of truly expressing our God-given nature? Love?
We put great weight on sex, and its ability to deliver the final frontier of ecstasy, of power, of love.
Buried beneath the rubble of...
Menopause can be a time of huge change for a woman. AND her love partner!
As the common symptoms intensify, women who have been so capable and successful in their career and mothering roles can find themselves floundering in the uncharted waters of uncontrollable emotion.
She can feel so tired that she becomes as irritable as a bear guarding her lair. And the rising heat of hot flushes at night...
Resonating with this?
Join me for event updates, news and musings: