How I Wish
Back in 1998, life was changing for me. I was 37. My son was going into high school. We'd sold our business of 13 years, I was embarking on a new career in counselling, psychotherapy and creative arts therapy, and had pretty deep depression.
They say that counsellors go into this work, because they need it the most! Yep, that was me. But I also loved the creative process of the work.
Little did I know that the symptoms of depression, mood swings, disinterest in sex and general malaise were a few significant signposts that heralded peri-menopause. At 37! I remember when one doctor pronounced, 'yes you are peri-menopausal'. Peri what? What does that mean?
Women so often are in a cloud when it comes to changes in the body, symptoms that don't make sense and feelings that we wish we didn't have. That's why it is SO important to know our bodies, so we can be informed and possibly bypass some of the symptoms and also so we can feel like we are not going crazy.
We live in interesting times ...
I remember the early 90's, sitting in the Lyric Theatre in Brisbane, when the evocative Canadian Celtic singer, Loreena McKennit walked on stage. She had two sets of gigantuan candelabras either side of the stage, topped with huge thick candles, alighting the space with dramatic overtones. She walked in with her long golden hair and sat at her massive sculptural masterpiece of a harp. I felt transported to a heavenly realm and moved to tears by her mesmerising music and haunting vocals, and then... she began to speak.
"Tomorrow is a big day," she said. "The World Wide Web will open. It's the day that is going to change the world." She seemed to know what it would mean.
A reading from Tantric Sex and Menopause.
EMBODIMENT: From Womb Wilderness to Womb Wildness
Many women have little to no awareness of the womb, this miraculous life giving uterus with its capactiy to hold space for an embryo. It is said for it's size, it is pound for pound the strongest muscle in the female body. A small facinating organ tucked up safetly in the pelvis.
A reading from Tantric Sex and Menopause. CHAPTER 8: Going Deep, Going Slow, Going Wild
Many menopausal women and peri-menopausal women feel such a lack of desire for sex that they feel totally disheartened (not all women, it just depends on our make up). They concerned they are not living up to the image that a sexy and alive woman should feel like. Let's talk more about going wild...
Your body is not broken... A reading from Tantric Sex and Menopause.
Your body is not broken, as each woman's journey through menopause is individual - it is impossible to make all embracing statements about it. At the same time, women share in common many highly significant aspects of menopause - so sharing information with others can really empower women through this time.
As I've grown older and going through the changes as a post-menopausal woman, I can't say that I have escaped body image issues through my years or that I was that artful at not passing this on as a young Mum. I'm sad about this. Yet it's so common. Even with the best of intentions, somehow our children absorb it, if not from the overculture around us.
Last week it was my father's birthday. He would have been 91. It reminded me of the days before he passed in January 2015, when I would sit silently with him.
Watching his closed eyes, seeing him breathe in and out quietly and gently, while stroking his body or holding his hand, my eyes would moisten. I was so moved as I contemplated the pure love of this man I could proudly call my Dad.
Was it the Leo Full Moon? Was it just an off day? Am I just so ungrateful? Last Monday, yes only just last week …. I have to admit I had a total meltdown … why? …Because my face appeared on the front of a magazine...
I didn't say 'oh wow, there I am on the front of Holistic Bliss Magazine!'.
Instead I collapsed in so much self criticsim.
Have you ever felt so crippled by shame that you felt you wanted to hide under a rock and disappear?
Shame is a debilitating emotion that can cripple us at any time. Read on for what happened to me last week and how I met shame ...
When Michelangelo was asked 'How did he create the David?', he said, "The form is already there, I just take away what it is not."
I spent time with my grandchild the other day. I wonder at who she will be in twenty years time. How will life mould her.
She reminds me of how we are born as a pure expression of love and innocence and then as we grow older, we seem to develop ways of hiding away this love, as protection or survival.
I wonder that our purpose is to be the loving sculptor, to remember this love and find ways to allow what isn't love to fall away, to let down our guard, to reveal who we really are.
Resonating with this?
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