When I visited India some years ago, the one thing that stood out to me most was the grace and elegance of the women.
I remember watching and being mesmerized by a band of women working on a two-story building. I was surprised to notice how often they were the ones working on the more physical tasks... Yet here, they moved up the ladders and along the floors like a mystery and their laughter was like a running brook. Their saris hung and swirled around them like a lyrical song. Indian women play with colour and light boldly and unapologetically.
To me, they are among the most sensual in the world – in the way they dress, the way they walk, the way they move. There is something about that country. Perhaps it’s the tantric way. Tantra is so woven into their culture - it exists in their very ancestry, in their very bones. The country itself is steeped in mystery, in creativity, in life.
Sadly though, India is also plagued by enormous suppression of women. Yet even in the face of this suppression, their grace shines through.
For many western women, however, this grace and sensuality don't come as naturally as this.
What makes a woman sensual?
A dear respected colleague once said to me that sexuality is a woman’s religion. I actually think that Sensuality is a woman’s religion. The Sensual is what brings us alive. It’s what makes us tick. It’s what moves us to create, to love, to joy, to pleasure.
To be sensual, you have to be living completely present in your senses – touch, sound, sight – I see, I hear, I feel. Yet for many western women, the mantra is ‘I do, I do and I do more’. She gets caught in a flurry of “doing”... but ‘doing’ without being present in her body, closes a woman’s heart. Her love can’t shine. It is hidden. And all the joy, colour, and play that she could bring to the world, get lost.
We may open up to our sensuality while making love but why leave sensuality just for the bedroom when it can be part of the whole fabric of your daily life?
The Key to Doing Life Without Losing The Sensual
Sensuality is the presence that illuminates the soul of a woman that radiates her natural love and fills her heart with wonderment. She doesn’t have to effort at all – she just is.
As soon as a woman develops the art of being in her body, she makes the shift from mind-oriented to heart-oriented, from doing to being, from closed to open. She can still be active and productive. In fact, movement for a woman is the sensual switch to her soul, her heart, her unique mystery. That’s why women light up when they dance. But there has to be something that is a constant – whether she moves or is still, there is a presence that can live alive in her, that moves her without her ‘doing’ it.
This presence is a key to her sensuality. This presence is about her being anchored in her body. And when a woman moves from here, she feels good. When she feels good, she is more joyous, more loving, and more beautiful. There is more spaciousness for her love to shine.
Love is the light that shines through her body. This is a woman’s true beauty.
When she connects with this, with awareness, she is moving from a different place and you can’t help but watch her... She has something.
Though she doesn’t often know it, developing this art, when it is not woven into our culture is what the starving western woman is aching for. But it really is very simple.
How to Connect with Your Sensuality
There are many ways. Just for today, try this, standing preferably. (And men can try this too!)
Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in and let it go.
Relax your shoulders. Let go of tension.
Bring your attention to 3 inches just below the navel and back inside, known as the dantien in chi gung – for a woman, it’s the area of your womb. And if your womb has been removed, it makes no difference. That place is still there.
Now turn the corners of your mouth up with a little smile as you imagine and celebrate that love actually exists right here in your womb, in your heart, in your WHOLE body – your whole disposition will change.
Imagine you are underwater and a gentle current is moving you, while your awareness remains anchored in your hips and lower body, through your legs to the floor. Your movements are flowing, gentle, and relaxed. With each breath, you enter even more deeply into the lower part of your body and your pelvic space. As you enter more and more, you notice that your movements are slow, unhurried, and luxurious. You may even wish to run your fingertips along any bare skin of your body, your face, and your arms… slowly.
Just experience this for a few minutes. Feel the pleasure of this.
When you find yourself ‘doing’, trying to make it happen or getting tense, come back to relaxation, to the body, the womb, the legs, home… to love.
Too simple? Take the time to try it. While making love, this practice will deepen and amplify your whole experience as you notice your movement will be slower, more conscious, and profoundly more sensual.
Attracting what you want
This a pretty first-world issue I must admit. We are privileged to be even able to contemplate concepts like sensuality as mostly, living in a western country, our survival needs are met.
it’s important that being more sensual doesn’t become another goal, to use to conquer or seduce another.
So for those who are wanting more in life and relationships, moving gracefully in a busy world requires just a few moments of connecting through your own body and presence. .... and moving from the lower part of your body, the hips, the pelvis in a relaxed way.
This way, you can experience the joy and grace of sensuality in your everyday life, whether that is at work, play, or making love.
Sensual Lovemaking for Couples
Slow sensual lovemaking increases pleasure, joy, and relaxation - the perfect antidote to the western lifestyle, triggering the relaxation hormone oxytocin, which regenerates the body, mind, and soul. You can read more about that in my previous post.
If YOU are aching to bring more sensuality to your relationship, you are in the right place to experience The Making Love Retreat. Give yourselves this gift – I’d love to see you there.
P.S Your body is not broken. Menopause is a gateway, a privilege, a time to embrace change with grace and step into a life that is empowered, loving, and alive. This is your birthright as a woman. You have been waiting for this all your life... Buy mine and Diana's book Tantric Sex and Menopause on Amazon AUS, Amazon US & Amazon UK.
The words sex and menopause have been two of the most taboo subjects.
Add the word Tantra to that and it goes further. There is a great misunderstanding of what the word Tantra really means.
It can conjure up being naked in a room with strangers, partner swapping, and so on. But this has given tantra a bad rap. The word Tantra is a Sanskrit word meaning 'to expand'.
Most sex is not...
The last two years of a worldwide pandemic and lockdowns have been unprecedented in our modern lives. Never before have we been confronted with extreme mental health issues, and exploding numbers of trauma, anxiety, depression, and sadly, suicides.
The other sad victim of this crisis is our relationships. And in particular the intimate relationship.
Covid was a time of extremes - of polarities. Some relationships have ended. Others are still hanging, but...
The fear that most men live with, how women can influence men's experience of lovemaking, understanding our unconscious sexual conditioning, why we don't need to wait for desire to make love ...
These are just some of the topics covered in this wonderful interview by Sarah Rose Bright of The Sexy Life Podcast with one of the world luminaries on Conscious Sex and the author of 8 books, Diana Richardson. Diana...
Each one of us exists and is conceived, through the actual act of making love.
That 'act' may be less than loving at times. But if we fathom the idea that something that has been labeled as wrong, as shameful in just about every religion in the world, even to the point that celibacy is celebrated as a path to enlightenment, the whole of humanity is shrouded by this blanket of...
Twenty years ago, we never heard the term, 'Narcissist'.
Only in myths. Now everyone is talking about Narcissism, and thank god it's happening. I think it's been the hidden cause of serious relationship problems and sadly, abuse that has been left unchecked. But the narcissist can be right under our own roof. The more subtle ones. I wish I knew this in my 20's.
Like anything there is a spectrum, from the...
My third grandchild, Isla Rose was born last week. I was waiting in the wings, looking after her two 6 and 8-year-old sisters. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
After about a week, the anticipation of the birth and then subsequent relief at all being well, seeing Mum and bub and the whole family doing great, I could feel something inside going, 'ok, time for me'. That edge of...