'Why can I not reach her anymore?'. This is the question so many men are asking me lately.

I am seeing a change in men generally these days. Their bewilderment engenders humility. Their hearts are aching to love and to see their partner shine again.

I see this in their faces as they arrive on the first night of the Making Love Retreat, downhearted and confused. Sometimes years of tears ready to burst their banks in her as she sits next to him, silently, stoically. It's the last-ditch effort. Or it's a new relationship and she has decided, enough is enough. She no longer wants to go along with things the way they have been anymore.

She may not even understand or know what she needs, she just knows she doesn't want what has been anymore. Many no longer want to be subject to the pressure of sex, when the outcome may be less than satisfactory. They no longer want sex without connection. And on top of that, they are wondering where their 'libido' went? 'I had desire, now I've lost it.'

It's a sad sight. But one that I have grown accustomed to seeing. Because within just 24 hours, I see the relief on their faces as the lightbulb goes on. Something softens, relaxes as they start to understand why. And begin to see and experience a path they can start to walk down to change this heartbreaking dynamic.

When sexual energy becomes meditative, when a man can let go of the goal of getting to the end quickly, and instead allowing the time for the spreading of his powerful dynamic sexual energy through his body, there is breathtaking transformation. One that opens the gate for it to move from his genitals up to his heart.

He becomes quieter, more composed, more masculine even, everything is put back in its place again. He sees the light come back into her eyes, as she is given time to relax and open to her own divine feminine nature.

Equally, when a woman can finally relax, knowing that she is in a safe place to let go of her protection, she opens like a flower.

It can take time to steer the ship of our sexual conditioning around to a new course, one where Love is our northern star and sexual intimacy becomes a vehicle for that love. That's why we need 6 whole days for this transformation. Not just the learning, the 'knowing' of it, but for the experiencing of this through the body. I can talk till the cows come home about transformation. But it is not until you feel it until it fully registers in body and psyche, and you feel how making love becomes a thread through your life rather than a haphazard event, that it really stays.

Your whole life changes, not just in the bedroom.

The Making Love Retreat in the hinterland of the Sunshine Coast, Queensland, offers the opportunity to change your life. Every relationship deserves this transformation. I'd love to see you there.


The Road Back to Intimacy

The Road Back to Intimacy

I've seen a lot in my almost 40 years of personal growth and more than 20 years of psychotherapy.

The changes, the trends, the breakthroughs in relationship and trauma theory have reshaped therapeutic environments. And I've seen a lot in my time of exploration into the subject of sexuality and relationship I can tell you.

And, what I have witnessed and been prey to at times, in the name of 'personal growth'...

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Making Love your Priority

When the lovely, Luanne Mareen, in her Answering the Call of Your Purpose series, interviewed me recently, she prompted me to ponder my purpose. It did make me contemplate what led me to do what I do.

I really believe our 'purpose' is more simple than we think. It's just the avenue or the pathway through which we live that purpose that can vary, according to our life circumstances. Whether...

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Are you in love or fear?

Are you in love or fear?

It's a crazy time right now. In Australia, the level of fear in the air seems to be heightening. There's an agitation, a fragility in many. Are you being pulled into it or are you able to remain buoyant?

This low-level anxiety affects our nervous systems and ultimately can affect our relationships. We are at survival in some ways. And our primal brain (survival brain) responds to this fight-flight. Stress and...

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How can I reach her?

I often hear men say, when they speak about sexual intimacy, "It's her problem, not my problem. I want it. She doesn't".

Well, it's not that simple! And it's not her fault, and it's not his fault. There is a lot at play here.

In this video I am primarily speaking to men. But roles can always be reversed. Sometimes it is the man who is retreating from sexual intimacy, so I...

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Mindful Menopause

Mindful Menopause

My daughter took this photo in Melbourne early in 2020.

Contemplating my beautiful journey with her as a mother made me think of something that happened as she grew up. To be honest this is a little hard to admit! But for the sake of any woman approaching perimenopause, well, here I go ...

One day when she was 12, and I was 42, I found myself behaving like a crazy woman...

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Transforming sex into Love

'Why can I not reach her anymore?'. This is the question so many men are asking me lately.

I am seeing a change in men generally these days. Their bewilderment engenders humility. Their hearts are aching to love and to see their partner shine again.

I see this in their faces as they arrive on the first night of the Making Love Retreat, downhearted and confused. Sometimes years of tears ready...

Read more »