Topic: "men"

How can I reach her?

I often hear men say, when they speak about sexual intimacy, "It's her problem, not my problem. I want it. She doesn't".

Well, it's not that simple! And it's not her fault, and it's not his fault. There is a lot at play here.

In this video I am primarily speaking to men. But roles can always be reversed. Sometimes it is the man who is retreating from sexual intimacy, so I...

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Transforming sex into Love

'Why can I not reach her anymore?'. This is the question so many men are asking me lately.

I am seeing a change in men generally these days. Their bewilderment engenders humility. Their hearts are aching to love and to see their partner shine again.

I see this in their faces as they arrive on the first night of the Making Love Retreat, downhearted and confused. Sometimes years of tears ready...

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Heartbreak

Heartbreak

'Heartbreak is how we mature. It is as inescapable and inevitable as breathing. Even the longest marriage has it's heartbroken many times, even in the act of just staying together.'

Wise words from one of my favourite contemporary poets, David Whyte.

I see it all the time. A large part of the maturing of a relationship rests on how well we repair from upheavals and disappointments. Some relationships survive it. Others do not.

A wise mentor said to me once, 'A relationship can be for a reason, a season or a lifetime'.

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Intimacy Matters

Intimacy Matters

Very early one morning in February I was interviewed by a beautiful couple, Nicola Foster and Jason Porthouse in the UK for their podcast, Intimacy Matters

I think I am the most relaxed I've ever been in any interview here, having known Nicola before. I'd met Nicola, a Relationship therapist, while attending The Making Love Retreat some 8 years ago in Europe.

We cover a heap of territory from...

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Touch is a force.

Touch is a force.

To approach the body with sensitivity and awareness is a rare thing and yet it’s what every ‘body’ is craving for.

Touch, with presence. It’s the most life-giving, life-saving resource we can offer to our loved ones and those around us.

Yet, in our society generally, the body just doesn’t receive enough safe, loving, respectful, non-intentional touch. 

Touch is the first communication that we have in our world. The power of touch, and...

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I have a Dream

I have a Dream

2020. The year of crumbling, also the year of opening. Opening doors that were perhaps closed.

Intimacy is about opening doors. Doors that have been shut for too long. Doors that need a little prying open. Doors that need the hinges oiled with love and understanding, so they open more easily.

Never before has the human connection been more important than now. The heart, compassion, understanding, empathy, even more potently needed. We...

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When Men Close Down

When Men Close Down

For years I have written about women closing down sexually. I'm kind of known for it.

But the thing is that men close down too. We all do - it is not necessarily gender specific.

It's just that men usually have naturally high testosterone, rising by 800% in a boy's teens, which makes him highly sexually driven, also give that it is his dymanic pole, in a Tantric sense.

Testosterone can remain high until his 50's - 60's and still quite a reasonable level into his 70's, as long as he is healthy.

But some men find that they have absolutley no drive for sex and no erection at all, even at younger ages - 30's - 40's. And the heart breaking thing is - like women, is that they don't want to be closed....

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The Secret You Always Knew

The Secret You Always Knew

"I knew this all along but I didn't trust it", she said, with her eyes welling up with tears, both in disbelief and in relief.

For how many years had she abandoned herself? Ten, twenty, thirty?

If only she knew then what she knows now. Would it, could it have been any different?

It's as if this something was already hidden within her body, within her very genetics. They knew. The body knew.

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He didn't think it would be this way ...

He didn't think it would be this way ...

He didn't think it would be this way...

It was that one thing she said.

Shame had coursed through his veins so hard that day. It was unbearable.

Shame at his own natural urges, his own simple desire for love, his own yearning for her soft sweet skin against his. And now it had turned to...

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Are you stuck?

Are you stuck?

I used to feel annoyed when people would say, ‘Oh, your creative energy is connected to your sexual energy.’ It’s just that your second chakra is stuck – oh please!

Until …. I experienced it for myself. See, I am a bit of a sceptic. Until I experience something for myself, I don’t really believe.

However – energy is energy – there’s no one separate energy for this and one energy for that – it’s all one.

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