My daughter took this photo in Melbourne early in 2020.
Contemplating my beautiful journey with her as a mother made me think of something that happened as she grew up. To be honest this is a little hard to admit! But for the sake of any woman approaching perimenopause, well, here I go ...
One day when she was 12, and I was 42, I found myself behaving like a crazy woman...
I see it with some women after relationship losses or long periods of being in a relationship.
The pull to be bitter is seductive. If you weaken, you will be sucked into its sticky web.
Don’t do it.
It’s not who you are.
You are love.
And whatever you can do to swim against those waves that want to take you out into that...
'Heartbreak is how we mature. It is as inescapable and inevitable as breathing. Even the longest marriage has it's heartbroken many times, even in the act of just staying together.'
Wise words from one of my favourite contemporary poets, David Whyte.
I see it all the time. A large part of the maturing of a relationship rests on how well we repair from upheavals and disappointments. Some relationships survive it. Others do not.
A wise mentor said to me once, 'A relationship can be for a reason, a season or a lifetime'.
Very early one morning in February I was interviewed by a beautiful couple, Nicola Foster and Jason Porthouse in the UK for their podcast, Intimacy Matters.
I think I am the most relaxed I've ever been in any interview here, having known Nicola before. I'd met Nicola, a Relationship therapist, while attending The Making Love Retreat some 8 years ago in Europe.
We cover a heap of territory from...
To approach the body with sensitivity and awareness is a rare thing and yet it’s what every ‘body’ is craving for.
Touch, with presence. It’s the most life-giving, life-saving resource we can offer to our loved ones and those around us.
Yet, in our society generally, the body just doesn’t receive enough safe, loving, respectful, non-intentional touch.
Touch is the first communication that we have in our world. The power of touch, and...
It’s been years and years since I’ve allowed myself time to r e a l l y, t r u l y, w h o l e h e a r t e d l y relax.
Cortisol levels rising before, during and after menopause make anxiety a very real thing for many mid-life women. So delicate is a woman’s hormonal system it makes times like these a must for us to maintain balance.
This is becoming common knowledge now but when I was researching for our book, Tantric Sex and Menopause almost 5 years ago, no one was talking about it.
There's an acceleration of consciousness sweeping the planet right now. Can you feel that?
Things that were 'fringe' 30 years ago are now mainstream.
Conversations that were behind closed doors are now open and in the nightly news - abuse, depression, anxiety, sex offenders and narcissistic leaders being called out etc etc.
The world is now wanting authenticity. Not a glossed version of 'I have it all together' - it's about realness.
There's one real conversation that I am glad is being had now too and it's about another change - 'the' change - yes the change women go through anywhere from their late 30's, 40's, 50's. Menopause, peri-menopause.
There's nothing more real than your body changing unexpectedly or even gradually - looking down at it and seeing what once was up is now down!
How I Wish
Back in 1998, life was changing for me. I was 37. My son was going into high school. We'd sold our business of 13 years, I was embarking on a new career in counselling, psychotherapy and creative arts therapy, and had pretty deep depression.
They say that counsellors go into this work, because they need it the most! Yep, that was me. But I also loved the creative process of the work.
Little did I know that the symptoms of depression, mood swings, disinterest in sex and general malaise were a few significant signposts that heralded peri-menopause. At 37! I remember when one doctor pronounced, 'yes you are peri-menopausal'. Peri what? What does that mean?
Women so often are in a cloud when it comes to changes in the body, symptoms that don't make sense and feelings that we wish we didn't have. That's why it is SO important to know our bodies, so we can be informed and possibly bypass some of the symptoms and also so we can feel like we are not going crazy.
We live in interesting times ...
I remember the early 90's, sitting in the Lyric Theatre in Brisbane, when the evocative Canadian Celtic singer, Loreena McKennit walked on stage. She had two sets of gigantuan candelabras either side of the stage, topped with huge thick candles, alighting the space with dramatic overtones. She walked in with her long golden hair and sat at her massive sculptural masterpiece of a harp. I felt transported to a heavenly realm and moved to tears by her mesmerising music and haunting vocals, and then... she began to speak.
"Tomorrow is a big day," she said. "The World Wide Web will open. It's the day that is going to change the world." She seemed to know what it would mean.
When you are a tired and busy mum, who gets time for intimacy?
As a Mum and now Grandmother, I can totally relate.
Around the time of the book launch of Tantric Sex and Menopause, I babysat my two adorable grand girls quite a lot, aged 2 and 3. Yep, young ones...
And I had them overnight for the first time. And since, many times...
well... any parent or grand parent will know ...
Resonating with this?
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