I think the event of birth and it’s subsequent effects on a woman’s body is one of the most underestimated natural disturbances and trauma on the female body and psyche that she may ever have. And on her willingness and physical ability to re-engage in sexual intercourse afterwards.
I cannot count the number of women who have sat with me and said it. 'It all changed after I had children'.
It’s been years and years since I’ve allowed myself time to r e a l l y, t r u l y, w h o l e h e a r t e d l y relax.
Cortisol levels rising before, during and after menopause make anxiety a very real thing for many mid-life women. So delicate is a woman’s hormonal system it makes times like these a must for us to maintain balance.
This is becoming common knowledge now but when I was researching for our book, Tantric Sex and Menopause almost 5 years ago, no one was talking about it.
For years I have written about women closing down sexually. I'm kind of known for it.
But the thing is that men close down too. We all do - it is not necessarily gender specific.
It's just that men usually have naturally high testosterone, rising by 800% in a boy's teens, which makes him highly sexually driven, also give that it is his dymanic pole, in a Tantric sense.
Testosterone can remain high until his 50's - 60's and still quite a reasonable level into his 70's, as long as he is healthy.
But some men find that they have absolutley no drive for sex and no erection at all, even at younger ages - 30's - 40's. And the heart breaking thing is - like women, is that they don't want to be closed....
There's an acceleration of consciousness sweeping the planet right now. Can you feel that?
Things that were 'fringe' 30 years ago are now mainstream.
Conversations that were behind closed doors are now open and in the nightly news - abuse, depression, anxiety, sex offenders and narcissistic leaders being called out etc etc.
The world is now wanting authenticity. Not a glossed version of 'I have it all together' - it's about realness.
There's one real conversation that I am glad is being had now too and it's about another change - 'the' change - yes the change women go through anywhere from their late 30's, 40's, 50's. Menopause, peri-menopause.
There's nothing more real than your body changing unexpectedly or even gradually - looking down at it and seeing what once was up is now down!
Back in 1971, when I was in Grade 7, all I wanted was to become a ‘Sister of Mary’. They were the high school girls, who glided like angels into church every Saturday morning wearing these soft blue capes over their dresses. Like an apparition, they appeared so pure, so beautiful, so mysterious. Oh, I so wanted that!
You can imagine how disappointed I was when they abolished the practice just as I came into Grade 8!
Even though I have not been a practicing catholic since the age of 16, I am profoundly aware that those early years formed a deep impression on me and an appreciation of the sacred, of devotion, of dedication, of kindness and of love.
And it also left its mark...
Have you ever been speaking with someone, and they are completely away somewhere else? Have you ever done that yourself?
Or you have been so emotionally charged about something, or so stressed that you simply are not 'here' when someone is trying to connect with you?
After many years with couples and in my own experience, I have come to observe three important keys to creating more emotional and sexual intimacy in relationships. I call them the '3 P's'.
It is surely a complex world we live in.
There's a new Australian 4 part series on SBS on Thursday night called The Hunting, which has prompted this post as I saw the first episode last Thursday evening. Woh... It's a chilling reminder of what our teenagers are currently faced with in teenage sex and relationships and demands the viewer to see things from every angle. What is 'normalised'...
Ok call me 'lame', but I have been watching MAFS, yes Marriage at First Sight. There. I admitted it... Embarassing.
Not the usual thing for me to watch these reality TV shows. I'm usually an ABC, SBS girl but I have to say this one had me hooked.... just a bit.
Not because I thought it was great or that I wanted to find out who would find true love... Because I was astounded at the dynamics of the relationships - the betrayals, the dramas and most of all, the way the women behaved.
In fact, I was APPALLED! ....
"I knew this all along but I didn't trust it", she said, with her eyes welling up with tears, both in disbelief and in relief.
For how many years had she abandoned herself? Ten, twenty, thirty?
If only she knew then what she knows now. Would it, could it have been any different?
It's as if this something was already hidden within her body, within her very genetics. They knew. The body knew.
Resonating with this?
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