'Heartbreak is how we mature. It is as inescapable and inevitable as breathing. Even the longest marriage has it's heartbroken many times, even in the act of just staying together.'
Wise words from one of my favourite contemporary poets, David Whyte.
I see it all the time. A large part of the maturing of a relationship rests on how well we repair from upheavals and disappointments. Some relationships survive it. Others do not.
A wise mentor said to me once, 'A relationship can be for a reason, a season or a lifetime'.
Very early one morning in February I was interviewed by a beautiful couple, Nicola Foster and Jason Porthouse in the UK for their podcast, Intimacy Matters.
I think I am the most relaxed I've ever been in any interview here, having known Nicola before. I'd met Nicola, a Relationship therapist, while attending The Making Love Retreat some 8 years ago in Europe.
We cover a heap of territory from...
2020. The year of crumbling, also the year of opening. Opening doors that were perhaps closed.
Intimacy is about opening doors. Doors that have been shut for too long. Doors that need a little prying open. Doors that need the hinges oiled with love and understanding, so they open more easily.
Never before has the human connection been more important than now. The heart, compassion, understanding, empathy, even more potently needed. We...
There's an acceleration of consciousness sweeping the planet right now. Can you feel that?
Things that were 'fringe' 30 years ago are now mainstream.
Conversations that were behind closed doors are now open and in the nightly news - abuse, depression, anxiety, sex offenders and narcissistic leaders being called out etc etc.
The world is now wanting authenticity. Not a glossed version of 'I have it all together' - it's about realness.
There's one real conversation that I am glad is being had now too and it's about another change - 'the' change - yes the change women go through anywhere from their late 30's, 40's, 50's. Menopause, peri-menopause.
There's nothing more real than your body changing unexpectedly or even gradually - looking down at it and seeing what once was up is now down!
Have you ever been speaking with someone, and they are completely away somewhere else? Have you ever done that yourself?
Or you have been so emotionally charged about something, or so stressed that you simply are not 'here' when someone is trying to connect with you?
After many years with couples and in my own experience, I have come to observe three important keys to creating more emotional and sexual intimacy in relationships. I call them the '3 P's'.
It is surely a complex world we live in.
There's a new Australian 4 part series on SBS on Thursday night called The Hunting, which has prompted this post as I saw the first episode last Thursday evening. Woh... It's a chilling reminder of what our teenagers are currently faced with in teenage sex and relationships and demands the viewer to see things from every angle. What is 'normalised'...
Ok call me 'lame', but I have been watching MAFS, yes Marriage at First Sight. There. I admitted it... Embarassing.
Not the usual thing for me to watch these reality TV shows. I'm usually an ABC, SBS girl but I have to say this one had me hooked.... just a bit.
Not because I thought it was great or that I wanted to find out who would find true love... Because I was astounded at the dynamics of the relationships - the betrayals, the dramas and most of all, the way the women behaved.
In fact, I was APPALLED! ....
"I knew this all along but I didn't trust it", she said, with her eyes welling up with tears, both in disbelief and in relief.
For how many years had she abandoned herself? Ten, twenty, thirty?
If only she knew then what she knows now. Would it, could it have been any different?
It's as if this something was already hidden within her body, within her very genetics. They knew. The body knew.
I was just in Zurich some years ago and I found myself with half an hour to wait to meet my partner downstairs outside our hotel.
The hotel was by the river Limmat, and outside were lovely little tables right on the river where the Swiss enjoy their drinks and coffees.
Instead though, I decided to go back upstairs and use the time to lie on the bed and relax - and...
How I Wish
Back in 1998, life was changing for me. I was 37. My son was going into high school. We'd sold our business of 13 years, I was embarking on a new career in counselling, psychotherapy and creative arts therapy, and had pretty deep depression.
They say that counsellors go into this work, because they need it the most! Yep, that was me. But I also loved the creative process of the work.
Little did I know that the symptoms of depression, mood swings, disinterest in sex and general malaise were a few significant signposts that heralded peri-menopause. At 37! I remember when one doctor pronounced, 'yes you are peri-menopausal'. Peri what? What does that mean?
Women so often are in a cloud when it comes to changes in the body, symptoms that don't make sense and feelings that we wish we didn't have. That's why it is SO important to know our bodies, so we can be informed and possibly bypass some of the symptoms and also so we can feel like we are not going crazy.
Resonating with this?
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