Topic: "vulnerability"

The Road Back to Intimacy

The Road Back to Intimacy

I've seen a lot in my almost 40 years of personal growth and more than 20 years of psychotherapy.

The changes, the trends, the breakthroughs in relationship and trauma theory have reshaped therapeutic environments. And I've seen a lot in my time of exploration into the subject of sexuality and relationship I can tell you.

And, what I have witnessed and been prey to at times, in the name of 'personal growth'...

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Are you in love or fear?

Are you in love or fear?

It's a crazy time right now. In Australia, the level of fear in the air seems to be heightening. There's an agitation, a fragility in many. Are you being pulled into it or are you able to remain buoyant?

This low-level anxiety affects our nervous systems and ultimately can affect our relationships. We are at survival in some ways. And our primal brain (survival brain) responds to this fight-flight. Stress and...

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It's all going to be ok

It's all going to be ok

This one. Me, 23, in Rockhampton in 1984.

A few months later my whole life was about to be turned upside down. I was having a heap of fun, had the best job ever. Art teacher at Rocky Girls Grammar. So good. Never really had any aspirations. Was just like a leaf floating along the river of life.

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I'm No Hero

I'm No Hero

While others have ‘pivoted’ their businesses through this COVID time, or otherwise switched quickly to online (some are my dear friends and I commend them) I instead battened down the hatches.

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When Men Close Down

When Men Close Down

For years I have written about women closing down sexually. I'm kind of known for it.

But the thing is that men close down too. We all do - it is not necessarily gender specific.

It's just that men usually have naturally high testosterone, rising by 800% in a boy's teens, which makes him highly sexually driven, also give that it is his dymanic pole, in a Tantric sense.

Testosterone can remain high until his 50's - 60's and still quite a reasonable level into his 70's, as long as he is healthy.

But some men find that they have absolutley no drive for sex and no erection at all, even at younger ages - 30's - 40's. And the heart breaking thing is - like women, is that they don't want to be closed....

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Can you feel the change?

Can you feel the change?

There's an acceleration of consciousness sweeping the planet right now. Can you feel that?

Things that were 'fringe' 30 years ago are now mainstream.

Conversations that were behind closed doors are now open and in the nightly news - abuse, depression, anxiety, sex offenders and narcissistic leaders being called out etc etc.

The world is now wanting authenticity. Not a glossed version of 'I have it all together' - it's about realness.

There's one real conversation that I am glad is being had now too and it's about another change - 'the' change - yes the change women go through anywhere from their late 30's, 40's, 50's. Menopause, peri-menopause.

There's nothing more real than your body changing unexpectedly or even gradually - looking down at it and seeing what once was up is now down!

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What is worthy of your devotion?

What is worthy of your devotion?

Back in 1971, when I was in Grade 7, all I wanted was to become a ‘Sister of Mary’. They were the high school girls, who glided like angels into church every Saturday morning wearing these soft blue capes over their dresses. Like an apparition, they appeared so pure, so beautiful, so mysterious. Oh, I so wanted that! 

You can imagine how disappointed I was when they abolished the practice just as I came into Grade 8!

Even though I have not been a practicing catholic since the age of 16, I am profoundly aware that those early years formed a deep impression on me and an appreciation of the sacred, of devotion, of dedication, of kindness and of love.

And it also left its mark...

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What are we normalising?

What are we normalising?

It is surely a complex world we live in.

There's a new Australian 4 part series on SBS on Thursday night called The Hunting, which has prompted this post as I saw the first episode last Thursday evening. Woh... It's a chilling reminder of what our teenagers are currently faced with in teenage sex and relationships and demands the viewer to see things from every angle. What is 'normalised'...

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Are you Still Standing?

Are you Still Standing?

Last year was devastating for me. Tragedy struck my family. But I showed up.

It was traumatic. I showed up. It was dramatic. I showed up.

In a year that should have been a massive celebration with the launch of my first book, I was in the trenches. I still showed up. My nervous system took a shattering. Eventually I realised I had post traumatic stress. I rested. I retreated. I had to. And then I still showed up. 

Souls have been ravaged by far worse tragedy than mine, and they are SS. Still standing...

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Never Force the Body

Never Force the Body

Never force your body into intimacy after shock or trauma. 

By and by the body will open.

The opening lays in gentle incremental yielding to any resistance to sexual intimacy in a safe environment.

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