“I don't want to make love with you anymore.”
It’s a statement that’s been heard by many a devastated man or woman, perhaps more often than not; the bombshell that explodes dreams, and cuts to the very core of anyone’s self-worth.
Sexual intimacy isn’t everything in a relationship, but for some it is really important. With all the couples I work with, at the deep core of the issue is lack of connection. That’s the missing piece.
I also see many who love each other and desperately want to connect, but their sexual connection is just not matching up. They are in two different places.
How to bring each together so they are on the same page?
That can be a very individual process but generally lack of connection will invariably have its roots in some kind of level of absence; you get the feel the other person is just ‘not with you’. Or it might be you, who is ‘not there’.
For some, the style of sex we are all used to, can become mechanical and lack soul. The thing is that our bodies are still engaged – so we seem present, but the mind will often have a goal, which means we are in the future. If our mind is elsewhere, then we are not present. And the other person can feel it. And love falls by the wayside.
It can eventually leave little to be desired as each turns off in their own way, one avoiding and the other continually attempting to connect.
The key is finding the bridge to move from absence to presence. Our wonderful mind loves to be given a job – so give it the job of simple…. awareness.
The act of awareness is the bridge, the pathway between absence and presence. It is the link that can move you from distant to loving, from abandoned and abandoning, to connecting. And this takes practice.
So engaging your inner awareness on your own body, not the other person’s; awareness on your breath; on your heart, lifting the awareness away from the genitals so they can be allowed ‘do their own thing’; softening your eyes and making eye contact in a way that is inviting, not interrogating of the other. These are just some tools of awareness that you can use to bring more presence and thus more connection into your relationship.
Love and connection is the by-product. If you'd like support to bring this level of presence to your intimate relationship, you are invited to come to the Opening to Love Retreat 24th - 28th April 2018.
Janet is a speaker, author, mentor to women and couples and is presenter of retreats for couples in Australia since 2009. She is co-author of the upcoming book, Tantric Sex and Menopause, Practice for Spiritual and Sexual Renewal due for release on April 10 in the US and May in Australia and the UK.
To speak to Janet personally about upcoming retreats or mentoring, call her on 0428 726 849 or email email@example.com
P.S Your body is not broken. Menopause is a gateway, a privilege, a time to embrace change with grace and step into a life that is empowered, loving and alive. This is your birthright as a woman. You have been waiting for this all your life... Buy my book Tantric Sex and Menopause on Amazon AUS, Amazon US & Amazon UK.
The Making Love Retreat
14th - 20th October 2018
Sunshine Coast, Qld
WOMANTIME 6 Month Immersion
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