I once heard a male friend say, "Oh I don't like all that tantric sh..t. All that looking into people's eyes. I can't stand it."
I was amused at his 'wipe the slate' interpretation about what Tantra really is and I also was amused for equally the opposite thing - because ... I got him. I really did.
All too often I have been in situations at workshops and groups over the years where people seem to make a competition of how long they can stand and eyeball you with all their love. Or hug you for what seems like eternity! .... And hey, I like hugs! All with good intentions I am sure.
Now I don't want to minimise the true authentic potential and depth that the meeting of the eyes has. (or long hugging for that matter). In fact, I am all for it. But let's get real.
There is a difference between invading someone's space, on even a subtle energetic level, and inviting them into a space ... of simplicity and love.
Are you an invader or an inviter? Until a level of trust and rapport has been established with another, it can be pretty awkard to try and create intimacy through extended and uninvited eye contact or getting close physically.
There has to be an opening first - a pathway, a softening, a yielding.
One of the most deceptively simple yet profound ways you can create intimacy as a couple through the eyes, is to first start with yourself ..... Try this little exercise... you'll see where I'm heading...
Instead of reaching out, looking out, you start to invert your attention, bring what you see back in to you. Sound strange?
Try it right now as you read. Consciously notice yourself looking AT the text, focussing all your attention OUT, as you normally would. Then take a breath in, energetically soften your eyes, even close your eyes momentarily, and open your eyes receiving IN what you see. It's subtle but really noticably different. And it's more relaxing.
Start doing this, as you move around in your daily activities.
Consciously inviting yourself to receive IN rather than look OUT. Imagine if you were looking at your partner in this way, with relaxed eyes. Imagine how they would receive it differently compared to you looking out intently at them, over in their space.
This is a beautiful way to invite the other into the space of intimacy. Rather than invading their space, be the invitation and move into making love from a completely different angle. You will notice the difference, believe me! It can be profound and very heart opening - 'the best forplay ever', as one man put it!
If you'd like to create a deeply connected, intimate relationship, come to the brand new OPENING TO LOVE RETREAT, 3 days and 4 nights to deepen intimacy and take the stress out of sex. Love to see you there. or call me on 0428 726 849
And if you are a woman who wants to immerse in your journey as a woman, come and join me for the 6 Month Womantime Immersion - where I share all my secrets in an intimate space for a small group of women. Click here for more info.
You can download this on Soundcloud.
As the years have gone on, there's one distinction that has become clearer and clearer to me around this crazy thing called Love.
And that is the pathway to sexual intimacy, well at least one with depth and sweetness - is through emotional intimacy and connection.
And by emotional intimacy, I don't mean becoming highly emotional and then making love to 'make it better'. I mean tender, heart connected, verbal and non-verbal,...
You're both mutually attracted to each other. The passion has run high. But somewhere along the line, things changed. He wants it. You don't. She wants it. You don't.
Games and avoidances start to be played. One constantly moves towards the other for intimacy. And the other just wants to run a mile!
This can be the point where a relationship falls over or falters. For the intrepid traveller of inquiry and personal growth, this can be a challenge that can bring both of you either to new heights or bring you to your knees.
One that calls for a deepened maturity, the point where the one who wants to run, can meet the resistence or the one who is always moving towards, finds a way to healthily and lovingly contain (not suppress) your powerful desire to connect. Neither are wrong. That's the important thing to know. Neither.
It's good to realise that there IS NOTHING wrong with either. But how you RESPOND is what makes all the difference and will be the difference between breaking down the relationship or creating more building blocks and foundation for healthy intimacy.
A sweet hello and a quick video message from me today. First one ever!!
Thank you for your support over the years and I wish you a Christmas period filled with love and FUN. A special blessing to those that do not have family or may be alone this Christmas. I hope you find someone to share with or something that touches your heart.
As I reflect on my year, I feel...
One of the major challenges that women face in menopause and peri menopause is their desire for sex.
I had a call recently from a dear woman who has enjoyed a healthy and loving sex life for years with her husband. Now, in menopause, she was devastated as she said that sex was too painful.
It's reassuring to know for both partners that this is not uncommon. But also it doesn't have to be this way.
Last week it was my father's birthday. He would have been 91. It reminded me of the days before he passed in January 2015, when I would sit silently with him.
Watching his closed eyes, seeing him breathe in and out quietly and gently, while stroking his body or holding his hand, my eyes would moisten. I was so moved as I contemplated the pure love of this man I could proudly call my Dad.