He didn't think it would be this way...
It was that one thing she said.
Shame had coursed through his veins so hard that day. It was unbearable.
Shame at his own natural urges, his own simple desire for love, his own yearning for her soft sweet skin against his. And now it had turned to anger.
God knows he'd been working so hard. Holding it together. How could she?
In one way, he knew she was right. He'd been caught out. Running as he had run all his life. Running from what?.... running to what?.... Always just ....running, running, running.
She sits staring blankly. Her heart yearning for connection. But he has closed the door. It is brutal. Cold.
He loves her. She knows it. And she loves him. Does he really know that? Is his shame and anger so loud that he can't hear or see her love for him?
This impasse seems hopeless. If only she could reach him again.
If only they could find a roadmap to navigate this seemingly treacherous journey of broken hearts and missing pieces.
For some this is the end.... for others this is the beginning.
There's something in NLP called 'pattern interrupt'. You do something so unexpected that the natural order and pattern of behaviour gets interrrupted and creates a shift in perspective, a shift in behaviour, a shift in the brain even.
If there is some kind of stuckness in any relationship of yours at present, think about something that could 'interrupt' that pattern. Something positive and loving that the other person simply would not expect. Something that might delight them, thrill them, gently surprise them.
But not as a manipulation. Be careful of that.
Do it in the spirit of expecting nothing and no particular result.
Simply as an act of love and a willingness to let down your own guard and connect.
It could be as simple as making the first move to hug the other, if you are not the 'hugging' type. It could be arranging a surprise date when you are not the one who ever organises anything. It could be making a meal when you never cook. (Find a tried and true recipe!)
Or it could be being willing to make a time to set aside the hurts and create the space for intimacy - slow, sweet intimacy that helps the body melt into love. The healing balm of just being, in presence with one another satiates the yearning, begins to heal the grief of past hurts and losses.
It's worth a try.
And if you want to 'pattern interrupt' in a big way, we still have a space left for the upcoming Making Love Retreat, 14th - 20th October. Not long now. :)
Some people can't stand the idea of being in a room with other strangers around the issue of sex - I get that. But most find that it actually assists them to feel they are not alone and they learn so much from the humility and wisdom of each other in this space, it's life changing. Men learn from men, women learn from women. Men get to hear other women share and women hear other men. The space of the group seems to open up so many insights and possibilities. It's powerful. It's profound. And very heart-opening.
So if this is for you and you want to shift beyond any impasse as a couple, be it small or big, our little team - Gene, Jodie and I welcome you with all our hearts.
Making Love Retreat - 14th - 20th October 2018, (also 20th - 27th April 2019)
Womantime 6 Month Immersion - starting in November
And if you haven't purchased Tantric Sex and Menopause yet - always remember our books here.
“I don't want to make love with you anymore.”
It’s a statement that’s been heard by many a devastated man or woman, perhaps more often than not; the bombshell that explodes dreams, and cuts to the very core of anyone’s self-worth.
Sexual intimacy isn’t everything in a relationship, but for some it is really important. With all the couples I work with, at the deep core of the issue is lack of connection. That’s the missing piece.
Do you have a relationship that challenges you or a situation you find difficult? The holiday season sure brings them all up doesn't it? Well I have an all time tip - it's the source, the secret to transforming your experience when it comes to the hard stuff.
It's about the body - and no! I am not giving you dietary advice or to tell you to exercise more.
The #metoo campaign a few weeks ago highlighted the burden women (and men) carry in the realm of sexuality, abuse and harassment, often resulting in debilitating depression and anxiety, as well as many other dire consequences.
Basically, a light goes out when there's sexual abuse, any abuse. Or any kind of shock or deep hurt. Or harassment. A contraction, a hiding, a retreat from life. A shrinking and consequent 'forgetting' of who you really are.
Until we can find something that liberates us from the constant pain and suffering that is depression, we are not free.
The incidence of depression is said now to be 10 times more than in the 1950's....
I once heard a male friend say, "Oh I don't like all that tantric sh..t. All that looking into people's eyes. I can't stand it."
I was amused at his 'wipe the slate' interpretation about what Tantra really is and I also was amused for equally the opposite thing - because ... I got him. I really did.
All too often I have been in situations at workshops and groups over the years where ...
I have deep compassion and am so inspired by those with disability.
There’s a silent disability that much of society lives with every day; the inability to truly express and receive love, this great love that resides in every human being. This can be so unconscious we don’t even know it’s there or even question it. And it compromises, inhibits and sabotages the potential of so many relationships.
I was in Hawaii recently ....
WOMANTIME 6 Month Immersion
18th - 21st July, 2018
Montville, Sunshine Coast, QLD
The Making Love Retreat
28th April - 4th May 2019
Sunshine Coast, Qld
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