I love this Woman.
She's been in my life for five years now. She lies back on the land, facing the great sky above.
Still. Silent. Brave. She doesn't move.
Birds alight her. Rain falls upon her. Sun beams on her. And yet... she doesn't move. Her body stretches beneath and beyond her. She is still and receives.
In aboriginal folklore she is the woman rock of this Glasshouse Mountain region (Sunshine Coast, Qld). This great mother has weathered much. Once a virgin, now a mother. Ancient. Deep. Wise.
I've spent much of the last three months in this position. Lying back, looking up, looking in, looking down and looking beyond. Like many other women lately, my body has spoken.
Stop, she has said. Stop. Every time I have looked out and seen this huge volcanic rock looking up to the sky it has been an anchor to stop and receive.
I've had to self care like never before. This Great Earth has taken me in and down so lovingly into the chambers of her underworld. To teach me to listen deeply. I've learnt what true self care is.
It's not fluffy baths and massages, though I will never refuse either. In between deep conscious rest, it's been about tending to things on all levels, it's been about getting real and doing things I've been putting off, things I have left, forgotten about, put aside. Where I've put everything and everyone else first. And this has been from the most practical and mundane to having serious health checks over many months. (Everything is fine but I was scared there for a while)
It's meant not only a deep inquiry of my soul, but a deep and renewed care of the body, this sacred temple of love, pleasure and as I have found, of pain. Pain has led me home again. Both emotional and physical pain.
Once I stopped and really stopped, the floodgates opened. I realised, like this great earth at times, there was a deep tremour inside me. It was a Post Trauma tremour.
This great Southern Land holds many secrets and so do our beautiful bodies. While I have been holding workshops and retreats these last 5 years, there's a secret I've been holding close.
The heartache of a mother dealing with her eldest child living heavily in the drug world. Mother's Day 2013, was the first time I had seen my son for a long time. It was at a Brisbane Police Station - two minutes I was allowed. The mixture of love, horror, compassion and terror, the feeling of failure as a mother... It was all there. And so much more.
It is painful for me to even start writing about the trauma I went through. It's such a big, long, wide and deep story, one so many parents go through. Nights of racking pain and worry, waking suddenly at 3 am hearing his voice call 'Muuuuum', left me thinking at times, that he was dead. Not hearing from him for months, and then finally police, court, overnight lock ups. For someone who has never had any brush with the law, it was traumatising.
Through all of this I kept working. I really wanted to because it was the only thing that gave me sanity. In truth I was hanging by a thread. And ... I also had many other things to be so grateful for - a loving supportive stable relationship, work that I loved, a beautiful family, living in great natural beauty and the kind of priveleged lifestyle that one can have in a first world country.
The story has ended well - as many will know that my first grandchild was born 2 years ago. She was the Angel sent from Heaven to heal our family and bring my son home again. And now we have another one - two little girls that fill his heart with so much love, it makes me cry.
I know he is safe, they are all safe. Now I can relax. And the two things that I am practicing daily are:-
Deep rest and Deep listening. Listening to my body with my soul ears! Now deeply trusting the signals that I heard but did not heed ... enough. And making choices according to my body's needs. Letting it be the commander, not my mind. Stopping when IT says so! Uncanny that we teach what we most need to learn.
Like this great rock, women's body's hold the scars of the ancient past. Yet these 'battle scars' add to her strength, her beauty, her resilience and her wisdom. You might be going through something so deep and raw now or you have been through it. A woman can be any age and have these battle scars. They are written upon her soul and are something to embrace, accept and love dearly to heal.
So today I am asking - where are you overriding your body? Where are you ignoring its signal? Just to do that one thing extra. That one thing, be it motivated from obligation, money or need? Where are you compromising?
Remember this great woman, this woman rock, Mt Beerwah. Lie back. Be still. Let the sun beam on you. Receive. Your beautiful body is so receptive - it will follow your imagination. Imagine letting this great Mother take you, nourish you, fill you up. She is wise and all embracing.
Place your hands on your lower belly, your wombspace or your heart. Let your mind drain away and use your body as your anchor back to the now, back to reality.
And if you're lucky enough to be in a partnership, go and ask to be held. Let yourself receive. It is so life-giving!!
Due to my health and also a large project I am working on, I've had to do the one thing that grates on me the most in running a business - to cancel my Woman's Body Woman's Wisdom workshop in March and Feminine Awakening Retreat in August. To the women who wanted to attend I am deeply sorry. Please click on the links and fill in the form to let me know if you are interested and you will be the first to know when they are scheduled.
And the good news is that I am truly starting to feel strong again and feeling my life force returning so I am pleased to say that The Making Love Retreat, is still on in October 9th - 15th. If you have ever felt called and keep putting it off, now is the time. Feel free to call me on 0428 726 849 if you have any questions.
Please note that this has been published with my son's permission. And I wish to thank two great men who stood beside me - Gene and Jost Sauer who stepped in when it was time for me to step out. And acknowledge and thank his partner, the mother who brought my beautiful grand daughters into the world.
I'd also like to acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Kabi Kabi (pronounced Gubbi Gubbi). Tribe.
And I'd love to hear if this resonated with you. Please feel free to comment below.
Opening to Love Retreat
24th - 28th April, 2018
Montville, Sunshine Coast, QLD
How I Transformed Depression
16th-19th August, 2018
Montville, Sunshine Coast, QLD