I Love this Woman

I love this Woman.

She's been in my life for five years now. She lies back on the land, facing the great sky above.

Still. Silent. Brave. She doesn't move.

Birds alight her. Rain falls upon her. Sun beams on her. And yet... she doesn't move. Her body stretches beneath and beyond her. She is still and receives.

In aboriginal folklore she is the woman rock of this Glasshouse Mountain region (Sunshine Coast, Qld). This great mother has weathered much. Once a virgin, now a mother. Ancient. Deep. Wise.

I've spent much of the last three months in this position. Lying back, looking up, looking in, looking down and looking beyond. Like many other women lately, my body has spoken.

Stop, she has said. Stop. Every time I have looked out and seen this huge volcanic rock looking up to the sky it has been an anchor to stop and receive.

I've had to self care like never before. This Great Earth has taken me in and down so lovingly into the chambers of her underworld. To teach me to listen deeply. I've learnt what true self care is.

It's not fluffy baths and massages, though I will never refuse either. In between deep conscious rest, it's been about tending to things on all levels, it's been about getting real and doing things I've been putting off, things I have left, forgotten about, put aside. Where I've put everything and everyone else first. And this has been from the most practical and mundane to having serious health checks over many months. (Everything is fine but I was scared there for a while)

It's meant not only a deep inquiry of my soul, but a deep and renewed care of the body, this sacred temple of love, pleasure and as I have found, of pain. Pain has led me home again. Both emotional and physical pain.

Once I stopped and really stopped, the floodgates opened. I realised, like this great earth at times, there was a deep tremour inside me. It was a Post Trauma tremour.

This great Southern Land holds many secrets and so do our beautiful bodies. While I have been holding workshops and retreats these last 5 years, there's a secret I've been holding close.

The heartache of a mother dealing with her eldest child living heavily in the drug world. Mother's Day 2013, was the first time I had seen my son for a long time. It was at a Brisbane Police Station - two minutes I was allowed. The mixture of love, horror, compassion and terror, the feeling of failure as a mother... It was all there. And so much more.

It is painful for me to even start writing about the trauma I went through. It's such a big, long, wide and deep story, one so many parents go through. Nights of racking pain and worry, waking suddenly at 3 am hearing his voice call 'Muuuuum', left me thinking at times, that he was dead. Not hearing from him for months, and then finally police, court, overnight lock ups. For someone who has never had any brush with the law, it was traumatising.

Through all of this I kept working. I really wanted to because it was the only thing that gave me sanity. In truth I was hanging by a thread. And ... I also had many other things to be so grateful for - a loving supportive stable relationship, work that I loved, a beautiful family, living in great natural beauty and the kind of priveleged lifestyle that one can have in a first world country.

The story has ended well - as many will know that my first grandchild was born 2 years ago. She was the Angel sent from Heaven to heal our family and bring my son home again. And now we have another one - two little girls that fill his heart with so much love, it makes me cry.

I know he is safe, they are all safe. Now I can relax. And the two things that I am practicing daily are:-

Deep rest and Deep listening. Listening to my body with my soul ears! Now deeply trusting the signals that I heard but did not heed ... enough. And making choices according to my body's needs. Letting it be the commander, not my mind. Stopping when IT says so! Uncanny that we teach what we most need to learn.

Like this great rock, women's body's hold the scars of the ancient past. Yet these 'battle scars' add to her strength, her beauty, her resilience and her wisdom. You might be going through something so deep and raw now or you have been through it. A woman can be any age and have these battle scars. They are written upon her soul and are something to embrace, accept and love dearly to heal.

So today I am asking - where are you overriding your body? Where are you ignoring its signal? Just to do that one thing extra. That one thing, be it motivated from obligation, money or need? Where are you compromising?

Remember this great woman, this woman rock, Mt Beerwah. Lie back. Be still. Let the sun beam on you. Receive. Your beautiful body is so receptive - it will follow your imagination. Imagine letting this great Mother take you, nourish you, fill you up. She is wise and all embracing.

Place your hands on your lower belly, your wombspace or your heart. Let your mind drain away and use your body as your anchor back to the now, back to reality.

And if you're lucky enough to be in a partnership, go and ask to be held. Let yourself receive. It is so life-giving!!

Due to my health and also a large project I am working on, I've had to do the one thing that grates on me the most in running a business - to cancel my Woman's Body Woman's Wisdom workshop in March and Feminine Awakening Retreat in August. To the women who wanted to attend I am deeply sorry. Please click on the links and fill in the form to let me know if you are interested and you will be the first to know when they are scheduled.

And the good news is that I am truly starting to feel strong again and feeling my life force returning so I am pleased to say that The Making Love Retreat, is still on in October 9th - 15th. If you have ever felt called and keep putting it off, now is the time. Feel free to call me on 0428 726 849 if you have any questions.

Please note that this has been published with my son's permission. And I wish to thank two great men who stood beside me - Gene and Jost Sauer who stepped in when it was time for me to step out. And acknowledge and thank his partner, the mother who brought my beautiful grand daughters into the world. 

I'd also like to acknowledge the  traditional owners of this land, the Kabi Kabi (pronounced Gubbi Gubbi). Tribe.

And I'd love to hear if this resonated with you. Please feel free to comment below.


Recent Comments 

Beautifully written and perfect timing for me personally..thank you Janet, loved your raw honestly and insight…

Thank you Jacqui, I am glad it resonated for you too, I wish you warm heart blessings for what you are going through, Love Janet

Thank you Janet, beautifully written message . Reminding all of us .

Love Ros xx

Thanks Ros

Janet, You continue to be my inspiration. You helped me heal in such a profound and beautiful way earlier this year after my mothers death and I honor you for being such an example in self care.
My love to you always

Lucy

Thanks Lucy - I think we women inspire each other, when we get underneath to the grit, things become very real all of a sudden. It was a true pleasure to support you, completely my honour, I have to say.

Hi Janet, thanks for your honesty. We tend to skip over the murky side of life when in business, particularly when you’re in the public eye, and just deal with things in private. And it’s murky when it’s your kids. Because we feel we should ‘know better’. I remember when ours were born, I so naively thought that their lives would be perfect because we’d done so much ‘work’ to clear the familial line. I laugh (and cringe!) about that now. Heavens. It’s the tough times that make us who we are. And we all have them. Rest and lay deep Janet. You’ll surface so much stronger and wiser and deeper. And more human. Here’s to being real. Love Dee x

Thanks Dee, yes, I am really grateful that my son was ok for me to share because I have really wanted to honour him throughout, and his privacy. It's been a joint journey, a family journey and all of us love him so much. You just have to keep the faith and you can never know what another's journey is about.

Beautiful blog Janet. So glad you’re feeling more deeply connected with your body, your soul and are listening in and heeding her whispers… before she screams and to heal the screams. We do so, all hold the vibrations of past trauma, layers and layers of it in my experience. Thanks for the reminder to go within and rest deeply.
I just love the analogy with this beautiful rock. Just thinking of her makes me drop instantly into a state of deep peace, of tuning in, of listening, grounding and being and thus… a deeper relationship with my body, my soul. I haven’t been practicing my deep rest as often lately and I do feel the call now. So I’ll meet you there. Love to you dear friend. Karakrista xxx

Thank you Kara. You are the one who inspired me to Deep Rest so I'm glad it's a great reminder for you too! And yes it's amazing how great mountains like this can have such an impact on our psyche. She's a beautiful one.

Dearest Janet, sitting here with tears running down my face, my heart opens wider to embrace not only you. It embraces all mothers who have experienced a trauma such as yours. May we all find the peace and serenity you describe and open into the full essence of Mother. Love Jan

Thank you Jan. I appreciate your reflection and acknowledgement very much.

Beautiful Janet
Thank you so much sweetheart for sharing the depths of your recent journey with us! A beautiful, opening, deep and inspiring insight into the support that Mother Nature offers us all and even more importantly, the depths of our own beings!! How beautiful to trust ourselves more deeply…… Thanks for the reminder about being in nature and allowing her to support me as I surrender and let go!! I’m doing this more and more and thoroughly enjoying the depth of surrender that unfolds! Thank you! Your writing is inspiring, as always! Lots of love Delicia

Thank you Delicia. I hope it's a graceful letting go journey.

Dear Janet . Lovely to connect again and hear your words of heartfelt honesty about your journey, your health and your courage over the last three years since we met up. Reading your words makes me realise I still have a long way to go in healing with myself and my daughters….such a solitary but you are an inspiration to me , Janet ….much health and healing and love
Annette

Thank you Annette. I feel that Family Constellations Training that year with Margarite Koenning helped on some level. It's a powerful modality. All the best, it's not an easy one.

I hear you Beautiful Janet … thank you for sharing xoxo

Thank you Robyn, and for your support at the time.

I’d never seen beerwah like that Janet but your description made it so obvious. I’m so glad you were able to share your story so fully and ‘cleanly’ is the word that’s coming up. It just went straight to my heart lovely and I could feel there were no reservations or holding back on your part. That sort of honesty always makes me feel safe sweetheart so thank you for that and thank your son for giving permission. Context is so important…it seems for me at least to link with empathy and compassion both. It’s one thing to tell a story and another entirely to reveal it. X

Thank you for your insightful comment Madonna. I did seek feedback from both my children before publishing. It's both a personal journey for each one and very much a collective family journey too.

Thankyou dearest Janet for sharing your raw, naked story. I am so glad you are being held in the arms of the Divine Mother mountain to rejuvenate and restore! Love and blessings Rhonda xx

Thank you Rhonda - we are lucky to have her near us!

Hi Janet thanx for being real and honest I thought when I was younger romantic pain was the worst but like you the pain you can feel from your family especially from your children is heart wrenching, I am coming out the other side stronger and more self loving I think it happens to us woman in our fiftys lots love to you petal from me.

Thank you Pauline. All the best for your journey with that too.

Thankyou Janet.

I love how your words invite me into your tenderest heart, and make mine grow in the process.
Ah yes mother rock, a wonderful role model and friend. Thankyou.

I too have been requested to journey deep nearly 10 years ago with deep rest (compulsory!) after a breakdown/breakthrough in India that crushed my heart, and taught me to love again.
Big learning, not at all easy…. I honour you.

And also the courage to share its truth. You are a leader in the most beautiful heartfelt ways.

Thankyou for being you.

Thank you for sharing your experience too Zoe. So glad our paths have crossed finally.

Hi Janet
I also have tears running down my face. Like other readers it is also perfect timing for me. Your integrity re honouring your son and familys' confidentiality and now when the time is right to share your vulnerableralibity with such love and openness makes me feel so blessed to have shared the April couples retreat with you and Gene. May you continue to heal as you gently and lovingly listen and respond to the messages from your soul. Much love Amanda

Thank you for your loving thoughts, Amanda

So Resonant Janet. my brother suicided 9 years ago after a long courageous haul/hell of drug induced psychosis from his late teens into his thirties. His death was the ignition of the courage I needed to consciously begin my journey home to me into deep listening of my body wisdom and all its its stories that needed to be heard and held. My mother has been bought to this place of rest and stillness that you speak of over the last few months after a lifetime of busyness and tending to others needs and pain, my prayer is that she can be courageous enough to fully feel and heal and be held in all that losing a son on this underworld journey entails for I know it is truly a journey of liberation. thankyou for sharing. Love Louise

Thank you for your beautiful share of this most tender time Louise, and how you have come through it. A true inspiration to others. I truly wish you and your mother continued healing and as you say, liberation, the highest and best.

Oh Janet,
I’ve walked beside you and held your hand… even while from far.
Precious woman.
All Love, Nathalie

I'd love to hear how this resonates for you in your life ...

Enter your comment below. Fields marked * are required. You must preview your comment before submitting it. You may edit your comment and preview it again as many times as you like before submitting.