Children, Love and Sexual Intimacy
Nothing seems to stir the human heart more than children - our own children, other's children. There is something that implores even the hardest of hearts to soften. Seeing the children in India on my recent trip was truly a gift, particularly at the orphanage we visited.
With them, our hearts melted. It was as if all our grownup shielding, 'gameplaying', and strategies to get our own needs met just fell away.
Why is that? How come children seem to open us up like no-one else?
Whatever the reason, it's easy to have children melt our hearts, and as parents to keep them as the focus in our lives.
Yet with this focus, many couples lose sight of the fact that they are also a couple in relationship and just as the health and welfare of their children is important, it is also vital to keep the relationship in good health to maintain a coupledom that is balanced and will hold up for the long term.
It's quite amazing that I hear myself saying these things because when my children were young, the last thing I really wanted to do was to connect sexually. I'd do much to avoid it to be quite honest, even though I knew I 'should'.
However, years on, I have come to understand that the way we connected was not fulfilling for me as a woman and certainly not sustainable for a truly authentic loving relationship long term.
If I'd had the tools to realize that a more relaxed approach to making love, one that was more still, more natural, more tender, as well as more healthy, loving respectful communication, I feel sure that I would have been more open.
The thing is that a healthy, loving, respectful relationship, will have an even greater impact on children than making sure that they are involved in five sports a week. If parents are relaxed, the kids will be relaxed. It's a given. Very simple.
If connection between a couple is open and harmonious, then the children will balance out their behavior easily and quickly.
At The Making Love Retreats in Europe that we have attended with our mentors, Diana and Michael Richardson, couples attend every year just to replenish their relationship. And the children notice.
When they feel their parents getting niggly again, the children tell them they need go into the bedroom and love each other! Or to 'go back to that place you went for a week'.
So children respond. They know. They feel energetically what is happening between you as a couple.
After knowing what I know now, without sacrificing the needs of my children, I can see how nurturing myself more and nurturing an authentically loving connection as a couple is paramount.
So what to do? Here are my tips …
- Make love your priority - not kids, finances, work or sex. Love is the umbrella that all these things can fall under.
- On a weekly basis, schedule time, like scheduling an appointment, for 'loving'. This doesn't have to mean to end up 'making love', it's just time for loving.
- Depending on the age of your children, if you feel comfortable with it, tell your children that mummy and daddy are going to the bedroom to 'love each other'.
- Be free and open in your communication with your children about sexuality and be willing to face your own discomfort as it arises regarding any sexual issues.
- Children learn by example - they are feeling, sensing beings - respect that and honour their development by nurturing your own self and your own relationship through healthy positive communication and acknowledging feelings - they will benefit by your example.
- For men, be willing to put your sexual needs aside at times, to put the children first. For women, be willing to balance your nurturing needs to make the relationship a priority at times.
As you grow more love, come to truly know yourself as love, live in, and take action from love, so too your children will respond in miraculous ways. The approach to lovemaking that we teach at our Making Love Retreat and Being Love retreat, offers a space where the barriers, layers and shielding can just fall away, to effortlessly reveal the Love that is the source of your being.
Wouldn't that just be the best gift you could give your children, no matter what age they are, in 2012?
For more information or to register for our 6 days of immersion in a revolutionary teaching go to The Making Love Retreat.
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