Are you in love or fear?

It's a crazy time right now. In Australia, the level of fear in the air seems to be heightening. There's an agitation, a fragility in many. Are you being pulled into it or are you able to remain buoyant?

This low-level anxiety affects our nervous systems and ultimately can affect our relationships. We are at survival in some ways. And our primal brain (survival brain) responds to this fight-flight. Stress and anxiety are the key states that many are dealing with right now.

What if, instead of the relationship with your partner creating more stress, it can be turned around to be something that becomes a cradle of security, of comfort? You might already have this. If you do, cherish it.

But if fear is with you and it's getting in the way of being intimate, in the way of connecting in a meaningful way, for whatever reason - past experiences, current social circumstances, sexual unresponsiveness, lack of desire, conflict, then perhaps it's time to give some attention to that elephant in the room.

It was the biggest surprise when I returned from my very first Making Love Retreat with the creators of the retreat, Diana and Michael Richardson, to find I had NEVER felt that level of peace and tranquility in my body ever before. I simply never knew that making love in relaxation and non-doing could affect every other aspect of my life. Anxiety has always been a thing for me and to be able to feel the calming effect of lovemaking in awareness and tenderness, rather than something that could potentially cause stress just changed my whole take on sexual intimacy.

You see the body is wired for love. When you learn how to create more connected intimacy and be together in awareness, allowing your bodies to relax together, your bodies and nervous system start to down-regulate to more calm, more peace.

And it also offers the opportunity to move from MIND to BODY, such a key in calming the brain. To move from FEAR to LOVE. Fear is often in the mind and in the future. The heart is here, now.

This happened to me the other day when I realised how much fear I was in. And a friend reminded me of my heart. My heart is my home. And if I am not feeling it, then I'm not home.

Here is a simple exercise you can do now, just on your own. Or if you are with a partner, to do before being intimate.

Sit still wherever you are right now. Close your eyes. Bring your awareness to your heart. Begin breathing in and out from your heart. Think of something or someone you love and who is precious to you. Feel that love as you breathe out and in. Feel your chest expanding, and your whole awareness expanding in front and behind you. Turn the corners of your lips up just a little and feel an 'inner smile'. You should feel yourself calming within minutes.

And, if you have a partner, decide to 'let go of the goal' of getting somewhere in lovemaking. Take time to relax and breathe together. Do this same exercise of breathing in and out of the heart, until your bodies start to soften and relax. Let your intimacy be an embrace of safety and comfort during these tough times by letting go of your agenda to 'get somewhere' or your agenda to keep the other person at arm's length.

And ultimately, take yourselves out into nature as much as you can. Nature is the one thing that is constant right now.

And just remember, if you are in fear, if you are feeling agitated, snappy, short-tempered or fragile, it's a sign. Instead of projecting it onto another person, try to find whatever way you can to FIND YOUR WAY BACK TO YOUR HEART, TO LOVE. Think of what works for you and go do that. Wishing you LOVE, from my heart to yours.

If you'd like to give yourself the opportunity to experience the incredible softening and connection that is available to you through creating more and more tender moments between you and to just give your relationship a loving holiday, I welcome you to The Making Love Retreat. Love to see you there.

If you have any questions or can't make it to a retreat and would like to arrange a chat with me personally, click here.

And if you would like to read some of the books I recommend that will support you moving in this direction, click here.


Are you in love or fear?

Are you in love or fear?

It's a crazy time right now. In Australia, the level of fear in the air seems to be heightening. There's an agitation, a fragility in many. Are you being pulled into it or are you able to remain buoyant?

This low-level anxiety affects our nervous systems and ultimately can affect our relationships. We are at survival in some ways. And our primal brain (survival brain) responds to this fight-flight. Stress and...

Read more »

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In this video I am primarily speaking to men. But roles can always be reversed. Sometimes it is the man who is retreating from sexual intimacy, so I...

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The pull to be bitter is seductive. If you weaken, you will be sucked into its sticky web.

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Wise words from one of my favourite contemporary poets, David Whyte.

I see it all the time. A large part of the maturing of a relationship rests on how well we repair from upheavals and disappointments. Some relationships survive it. Others do not.

A wise mentor said to me once, 'A relationship can be for a reason, a season or a lifetime'.

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