When Relationships Break Down

Introducing the 3rd song, she tells how she performed for the ABC New Year's Eve 2021 concert at the Sydney Opera House, wearing a blue velvet dress, barely being able to sing because her marriage had broken up that very day. (If you're a fan like me, you can hear it in her voice. Link below)

When she got off stage, she said that she fell into the arms of the women, her backup singers. And wept.

And there she was in front of us now, standing on stage, IN the same blue velvet dress. Then, she started singing the song she called ‘Blue Velvet Dress’ about that day.

Well, that was it... I completely lost it. I think everyone remembers the day that something ended. The effect on me was so sudden and shocking it was almost funny.

The words in ‘Blue Velvet Dress’ resonated so deeply in my heart and started pounding through my chest like a thunderstorm that came out of nowhere. Sitting next to my 30+ year old daughter, it brought the past back from 15 years before, like it was that moment.

Grief heaved through my body like sudden claps of thunder. Tears flash flooded without warning.

It was ‘out of the blue’, so unexpected. All those times you try so hard to make something work and it doesn’t. And you have to admit you failed to keep your family together.

Then these words in her next song ‘The Second Act’ , ‘how long can I scold myself for flunkin the biggest test’. My daughter squeezed my hand half amused and half concerned at her mother losing it… Again!

Then a tender piano ballad, 'A Complicated Truth', about trying to explain to her 5-year-old daughter why her Mum and Dad weren't together anymore.

I was crying too much to get many photos or videos of the first act.  After intermission, was a stunning performance of the songs from the Sound of White, her first album as a teenager 20 years ago. I’d pulled myself together as everyone’s up singing her legendary ‘Scar’ in triumphant chorus with a whole generation of 40-somethings loving the vibe and then …

 … she finishes with the beautiful ‘Sound of White’ song after explaining what it is about - sitting in a chapel when she was 16 or 17 speaking to her cousin who had died…. She said she swore she could feel him touch her head in reassurance. My cousin died in January. Well, so there I went again.

But … the interesting thing is that everyone left with HEARTS WIDE OPEN. Uplifted even. Elevated. Like the Palais Theatre was a chapel itself. Why is that?

CONNECTION. We were all connected by this common bond of human emotion. 

She articulated so cleverly, close in, the human experience. Unafraid of telling the truth and consequently touching the heart in those hidden places we might not normally show or even be aware of. But here she is putting words and music up like a mirror to our experience.

Even though it might sound intense, it was actually very cleansing. She took us on a journey. One I never expected.

WHY am I saying this? Because she is one of my favorite musicians? No, because...

Who did she lean into when things all fell apart?

Her women.

Her close-in women.

Her trusted women.

Her tribe.

The ones who had her back.

Things happen to us all. Grief hits us in the heart when we least expect it. Loss, heartache, break-ups, disappointments, serious body challenges, mental health challenges. All of these are losses.

At the last Womantime Retreat, one of the most common things women said was, "I don't have this community in my life. I don't have this closeness, this kindness, this support."

It's one of the things lacking in many women's lives. Men too. Community. And I don't mean just social connection, which is also very important. I mean meaningful relationships, where you FEEL SAFE, and you know that certain women have your back. You know who you can talk to, to open up to and you won't be criticised. You'll be accepted, even loved, and accepted more for your vulnerability, for your foibles.

And this is the kind of safety and connection we need to create in our intimate relationships. Couples learn this experientially when they attend The Making Love Retreat. I see men and women finally soften and relax with each other, not needing to put up their guard. That's when real love can flow. You can read more about the Making Love Retreat.

My respect for Missy went up a whole lot that night. Not just as a performer, but as a woman. And frankly, we need more women in positions like her to lead the way with heart and integrity.

A NOTE ABOUT WOMANTIME

Womantime Retreat will be 2 weeks earlier next year - from 31st July to 3rd August. Registrations will open soon. Click here to go onto the 2025 Waitlist to be given first dibs at registering. Because of the depth we go to in Womantime Retreat, I limit this group to just 14 women. Sadly, 5 women missed out on this last one so do register as early as you can.

ABC New Year's Eve 2021 concert