'Heartbreak is how we mature. It is as inescapable and inevitable as breathing. Even the longest marriage has it's heartbroken many times, even in the act of just staying together.'
Wise words from one of my favourite contemporary poets, David Whyte.
I see it all the time. A large part of the maturing of a relationship rests on how well we repair from upheavals and disappointments. Some relationships survive it. Others do not.
A wise mentor said to me once, 'A relationship can be for a reason, a season or a lifetime'.
People change. We change. Circumstances change.
And like DW says you cannot escape the heartbreak. But it is how we mature, how we grow in wisdom and love if you allow it.
I have the privilege of witnessing this firsthand in my Private Mentoring and at The Making Love Retreat.
One woman said to me before the last retreat, "I hope you can work miracles."
I don't work miracles. They do. All I do is provide the space for miracles to possibly happen. But it is a couples' choice to step over that threshold of repeating patterns of behaviour to enter new territory. If you keep going over the same ground, you will end up at the same place.
And that's what I saw on the second day at the retreat. They reported to me that they got into an argument just as they were about to make love. And then the woman did something unexpected. 'Let's wipe everything from our past (35 years). And start this moment. Now. No past.'
For him to hear her say this when she had held onto so much anger and resentment for so many years, well, it stopped him in his tracks. How could you say no, when someone is offering that?
This was the big turnaround of their week. This was the 'make or break' moment.
I truly believe that we cannot know the grand scheme of things. All we can do is surrender to what is in front of us when it comes to the sticky part of relationships. I am deeply impressed by couples who come to the Making Love Retreat.
The subject of sexuality is as vulnerable as it can get. But when you can be in the company of others who are all willing to give their relationship the best possible chance, to allow the scaffolding of sexual conditioning to begin to be dismantled, to see love start shining through their eyes again, one cannot feel anything less than hope for humanity.
Join me to give your relationship the best chance of its lifetime at the next Making Love Retreat. It would be my humble honour to guide you into love.