I often hear men say, when they speak about sexual intimacy, "It's her problem, not my problem. I want it. She doesn't".
Well, it's not that simple! And it's not her fault, and it's not his fault. There is a lot at play here.
In this video I am primarily speaking to men. But roles can always be reversed. Sometimes it is the man who is retreating from sexual intimacy, so I am generalising here.
It's the most perplexing thing for men to understand why their partner has changed since they first got together. This also can apply to same-sex partners.
Here I share 5 things you can do if a woman is withdrawing from you. This is not about manipulation. It's actually all about Time, Space, and Energy!
Women want connection.
If there is no connection, a woman will start to retreat. The connection has to be an emotional connection, before any sexual connection. It's actually a lot simpler than you might think. Basically, spend TIME with her, doing things that you both used to love. Go back to what you did when you first came together - the things you enjoyed the most. Go do them. Create more beautiful memories in the NOW.
Stop focussing on sex. Sexual intimacy has to become a by-product of connection. Women often say, 'all he wants is sex'. Because that is often how a man feels love. Men want LOVE, just the same as women do. But sex is often the only way a man has been conditioned to receive love or to feel love.
How present are you?
If you are always working, reading the paper, playing games on your phone, or watching tv, then chances are you are not very present. Meaning you are emotionally absent. This means your attention is elsewhere. And then to want to have sex, after there has been no connection and you have been quite 'absent', is a real turn-off for your partner. It does end up being 'all about sex'. So start being 'present' to your partner. Look them in the eyes when you are talking. Face them. BE WITH them.
If you are always demanding something - sex, attention, or being desperate to connect with the other, then chances are that you are over in their energetic 'space'. Meaning you are taking up space between you that ends up making your partner withdraw. It's actually quite repelling when someone is always demanding something of you. But if you start to bring that attention back inside yourself, into your own body, visualising being in and down inside you instead of 'up and out' over with the other person, then, (unless there has been abuse or the demands have gone on way too long) they will start to feel the void and start moving back towards you. This is not a manipulation. It's staying with the love that is here inside you. It's not withdrawing either and disappearing (ie being absent again). It's being fully present. Here, available but not demanding.
How sexual energy works.
It's great to be aware that a woman's body is not always ever ready all the time. She needs that emotional connection and loving touch to the upper part of her body. Connecting to her source of feminine energy, which is in her breasts, her heart area, so avoid focussing on the genitals. Her body will awaken once there is an emotional connection.
Stop blaming her.
It is actually not her fault. And it's not always his either. Women often may still love their partner but their body isn't opening anymore. This is more a result of how sex has been done, of our conditioned way of making love, too fast, too much friction, too genitally focussed, over too quickly. Because there has been no alternative until now, neither partner knows what to do. And either give up in desperation or keeps trying to connect but to no avail.
I hope that these simple steps can at least put you in the frame of mind to know that there is hope and possibility if this is you. If you'd like to know more about how you can implement a more conscious approach to making love, and to heal any disconnection, to bridge the gap between you, consider attending The Making Love Retreat, where you really get the chance to turn things around. I'd love to see you there!