Years ago, I used to be a bit of a stress head. It didn't matter what was going on, things would often turn into a drama of some kind or another. My children were small, I had two businesses, a relationship…
Things have changed - well children grow up and so do we. But there has been one thing that has drastically changed my life having a profound and deep influence. I've discovered how bonding through loving intimate presence can settle the nervous system and actually have profound health giving results.
We all know that children will die from lack of touch. A hundred years ago, 99% of babies in orphanages in the US, died before they were 7 months old. They simply wasted away.
In hospitals now, when children are sick or premature, even though they are given the same amount of food, the ones that are touched, through 15 minutes of massage three times a day or rocked and cuddled by parents or volunteers, grow faster, gain more weight and will leave the hospital more quickly.
Not only that, the caregivers report that when they regularly massage babies, the caregivers drink less coffee, made fewer trips to the doctor and report lower anxiety levels, fewer symptoms of depression, and improved self-esteem. Both child and adult were engaging in a bonding experience, simply loving affection.
There's really no difference between children and adults when it comes to touch. We all need it. We all have skin over 100% of our body.
If a couple wish to sustain, enhance or rekindle the intimate side of their relationship, there's no better place to start than with simple bonding experiences. Forget the sensational goals of the sparks and bliss. They will happen naturally.
Simply relaxing with each other, touching, caressing, snuggling, kissing, loving and giving, in a less driven style of intimacy actually allows oxytocin, the 'cuddle' hormone to be released. This is the hormone that helps to bond infants with their parents and it's no different for a couple. It relaxes and bonds a couple in a very deep and meaningful way.
Oxytocin is also the hormone that activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is where deep healing, deep restoration of body, mind and soul can happen.
Couples who devote even fifteen minutes a day to intentional bonding feel the benefit and the ongoing effect on their relationship. Emotional disruptions fall away, intimacy increases, and compassion and kindness naturally replace resentment or anger. What's important though, is to do this, just like the babies, on a regular daily basis — daily.
And for singles, gaining this touch through regular massage, hugging friends, family members, cuddling babies, children or pets are a great option until the right person comes along!
Ok, I still get stressed — I'm human. But, there's no longer so much drama, I am more resilient, so much healthier and far happier! To tell the truth, the simplicity has astounded me.
There's still more to this story if you want to deepen the sexual connection in your relationship. Learn how mystery meets science in the approach to making love and intimacy that, with awareness, can transform your life.
If you want to learn more, SLOW SEX, the movie, Diana Richardson's award winning documentary. There are no explicit scenes in this movie. It is so tastefully done, while really getting the message across about a new style of loving.
If you and your partner wish to be part of a 6 day immersion into Love,The Making Love Retreat is coming up.
A version of this article was published in Holistic Bliss June edition 2013
P.S Your body is not broken. Menopause is a gateway, a privilege, a time to embrace change with grace and step into a life that is empowered, loving and alive. This is your birthright as a woman. You have been waiting for this all your life... Buy mine and Diana's book Tantric Sex and Menopause on Amazon AUS, Amazon US & Amazon UK.