Never force your body into intimacy after shock or trauma.
By and by the body will open.
The opening lays in gentle incremental yielding to any resistance to sexual intimacy in a safe environment.
Be like the land. Lie IN the land.
And let nature take its course.
Let the winds comb the knots from your heart.
Let the driving rain strip the leaves that are ready to fall.
Let the wildest ocean thrash its fury onto the rocks of your rage.
Slowly slowly, like a flower, the body will open ...
It takes time ...
When you create the environment for love.
I speak to so many women who feel so despairing at the changes in their body and loss of sexual desire. Especially through their 40's and 50's but it can be anytime.
It's a great grief that lies in the heart of so many women - women who want to love their man but it's just not there any more.
Likewise, as men grow older, often it an be a similar thing - his sexual desire or ability to sustain an erection can be extremely shameful. The good news is, these are all doorways to an alternative, a new way of approaching lovemaking and a new way of being for both men and women.
But sometimes, that closure comes from trauma, for men or women. Either an event that happened recently or a long time ago.
One beautiful woman who I spoke to recently was feeling great trauma from the loss of her child after childbirth. She was feeling so distressed that she had closed down sexually.
When I asked further about the time frame and how long it was since she lost her baby - it was only a matter of months.
My heart melted for her. And I just said to her, "you are going through grief and grief needs time".
After I got off the phone, with a heavy heart, I felt the anguish of so many women like this wash over me, and the words above came pouring out.
Something I see often in my work is women pushing themselves and being SO hard on themselves.
Go gently, if this is you. Go gently. It takes time.
And stay in the process with your partner. Keep communicating - do not turn from each other. God knows you may both be hurting and grieving.
Rather turn towards each other and speak the truth of the pain, the suffering, without indulging - just the plain truth of what's here. When truth is spoken without indulging, a huge weight can be lifted and you can both be held by something greater - by life itself, by Love itself.
This WILL create an environment for love and when the time is right, and you feel your own willingness and you know in your heart that it is time, the body will open. There may be resistence, but it will just be trepidation, a little shyness perhaps.
Trust that, it is good, and go with it in small increments, yielding to Love's beckoning. For there She calls you deeper and this is good.
If this is you or you'd love to know how to heal and embrace the deep truth of the feminine within [READ MORE HERE] or if you'd like to embrace an approach that supports your sexual healing, [READ MORE HERE]