I see it with some women after relationship losses or long periods of being in a relationship.
The pull to be bitter is seductive. If you weaken, you will be sucked into its sticky web.
Don’t do it.
It’s not who you are.
You are love.
And whatever you can do to swim against those waves that want to take you out into that dark sea of bitterness or lament, to scramble back onto that shore of love, do it.
It may take time and all the strength you have to go for higher ground. Do it.
Or you will surely lose yourself.
If you don’t, it can take a long time to find ‘you’ again. To have to sift through the rubble of heartbreak years on, the rubble of long-lost dreams and of unawakened and futile hopes. For bitterness can become crusty if left in the body for too long. It can become toxic. It can freeze you in time, become harsh on your face and show up in your body as brittle or manifest in self-loathing. Don’t become hard. Or even collapsed for too long. It’s not who you are.
Be courageous and seek to uncover the underbelly of it. Perhaps anger, sadness, rejection, loss, meaninglessness. Be with THESE. Hold these feelings tenderly while honouring the story, the soul's story, without obsessing over and over into their storyline.
If anger, walk it, shake it, speak it, shout it in the privacy of your car, write it, draw it, paint it. There might be a time to be angry but not to live in it continuously day after day. Anger in its purest form can only last for a few seconds but when we add our thinking and ruminating to it over time it can turn sour in our system, and turn into bitterness and resentment.
Nelson Mandela once said, ‘Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.’
Sadness, rejection, loss, heartbreak, trauma. Give these feelings a voice until there are no words left but silence.
And then ... Just be. Find the light in your surroundings. And go towards that.
In the end, you have to just stop fighting reality. To come to an acceptance of what is.
And as time goes by, as sure as the tide will go out, it will leave you. Suddenly you will notice your heart has become quiet. Still. Silent. Compassionate.
Its gifts will be left on the shore of love to find. Find that one resilient shell that can symbolise who you are. The one that has been weathered by the crushing seas of life. Yet still there. Still here.
SS. Still Standing. Still LOVE.
That is your only mission now.
TO RETURN TO LOVE.
And then eventually, all can be well. All will be well.
For some, unresolved trauma can be key to this bitterness, or fear. I'd like to invite you to an important and dynamic conversation coming up on 16th September.
Sex after sexual trauma is a taboo subject but it's a conversation that must be had. One doesn't have to have had major sexual trauma to be affected, simply by the sheer unconsciousness and lack of education around making love and sexuality in general.
Yemi asks the important question, 'How can we respond to trauma with passion and courage?'
Yemi is a dynamic passionate woman and I am humbled and honoured to be supporting her mission as a guest on her webinar 'Sex after Sexual Trauma'. Having worked in this area for almost 15 years now, and in my own personal experience, I have been astounded at the level of healing that is available when we change the way we make love and are more informed.
Please join us for what will be a rich and insightful conversation on 16th Sept in Australia, 15th Sept in UK, and US. Link here.