Sex on the run? ... or gourmet love?

Do you sometimes feel like you are running after yourself just keeping up with all the commitments of life – work, children, family, relationships, and social commitments?

Is finding balance a challenge for you?

Lately, I have found hardly a moment to myself, let alone spend time doing the things that I know bring me back to balance. – like exercising, meditating, being still, yoga, dancing or, making love – these are the things that call me back.

And interesting - all these have in common are the body and the breath.

If you are fortunate enough to have a mate, the one thing that has the potential to bring balance back to the nervous system, balance back to your emotional life, and balance back to your relationship is actually, making love.

Or if you are single, meeting in love with your very own self.  Yes, it can be done!

A dear teacher of mine says “Where there is relaxation, there is balance.”

And approaching lovemaking from this perspective brings a whole new world to the experience of being and in fact a whole new opening into love between you.

So who wants sex on the run when you can have gourmet?

Sex on the run can often be simply the relief of pent-up emotions or to relieve tension. It can work, but it is very difficult to meet in love when the whole thing is over and done within no time.

And when sex is just a release of tension, over time, it is very common for women to find it more and more difficult to open up to lovemaking. You can read more about this in my free excerpt Why Women Close Down and how to open up again. 

Studies have shown that couples who engage in slower, longer lovemaking are more relaxed, more loving and more fulfilled. So, how do we move from this fast, frantic pace of life to actually being in the space where you do want to connect in this way?

Here are some of my tips to engage in slower, longer lovemaking:

1. Stop, feel, breathe! 

You can bet that while you are running around, your heart gets armoured by the ‘doing’ – it’s natural. It’s nature’s way of opening into the ‘warrior aspect’.  So become more aware if you are doing this and be willing to let those walls down by stopping, feeling your woman’s or man’s body and breathing. You can do this, whether you are in a relationship or not.

2. Make time 

We all make time to go out to dinner or make an appointment for work. It's important to make time for your emotional and physical body, to help it slow down and relax – if you are single - a bath, a massage, time with friends, or a yoga or dance class. If you are in a relationship, light a candle, offer your partner a slow, conscious loving touch without lovemaking as a goal and see where it goes – it doesn’t have to go anywhere but for sure if you are the giver or receiver, you will BOTH slow down – try it, it’s beautiful.  It will automatically bring you back into your hearts. And, just notice any emotions of resistance and be willing to just be with them, be gentle with them. Tears, laughing – let it all come out! It will bring more balance between you as well.

3. Relax and be more conscious  

If you find you do move to make love, after some conscious touch, create an intention of being more conscious, more aware with every move, every breath, every touch - you will automatically be able to access a far greater symphony of sensation. (Even if your partner doesn't know you are doing it, they will love you for it!) 

Being more conscious often results in going slower, making more time for connection. As a result, it becomes less about ‘doing’ and more about ‘being’, less about getting and more about giving and receiving, and less about the release and more about regeneration.

And it becomes less about just having sex, and more about love and connecting on a deeper level of intimacy. You can learn more about this approach at The Making Love Retreat, a beautiful six-day residential retreat for couples. So let’s slow down the pace, in all of life  …. For it is only from this place do we really serve ourselves, serve others and serve this amazing world we live in.