You're not broken. You're just human.

A couple of months ago, beloved Aussie musician, Missy Higgins announced that 6 months prior, she and her husband had split up.

In typical Missy style, her words hit the mark.

"The shame of a “failed marriage”, a “broken family”, all the things I swore I would never let happen, happened. I was so determined for this not to be my story. We tried many ways to keep the story alive, keep things together, and keep on searching down new avenues of hope, or hope-covered denial as it may have been. But then life happens, doesn’t it? And once again I’m on my knees and utterly humbled by my inability to control it."

In this age of saving face, looking good, and projecting an all-so-perfect relationship, in general, the real truth can be far from the image. It's our striving for perfection that trips us up.

Our expectations of relationships and our deep longing for connection have risen above the survival mode of past generations. We want more.

What if we were just humble like dear Missy and said, 'yeah, we are going through something right now. It's not easy.' I don't mean necessarily airing it on social media but just that there is some kind of release that comes along with actually just stating the truth. Also, then you have a benchmark for where you both actually are. There's even relief in the admission.

Let's just go for a 'real' relationship.

And as always, I love what Jeff Brown, Author of Grounded Spirituality, An Uncommon Bond, Soulshaping, and more, has to say about this -

"It's not about giving up on the fairy tale relationship. It's about landing it in reality. It's about giving the fairy feet. It's about peeling away the prince's armour and loving the real being down below. It's about wiping off the princess's makeup and loving her divine humanness. It's about finding romance in the naked fires of daily life.

When our masks and disguises fall away, real love can reveal itself. Forget fairy tales, the human tale is much more satisfying. We just have to learn how to get turned on by our humanness." Jeff Brown

No one is perfect. But what would it be like to be curious, instead of critical? Curious about what makes another be how they are and to develop compassion for that. Instead of always finding fault.

There's a quote that I play by Osho in the Making Love Retreat and he says, "we are all so miserly with our love". We can all too easily get embroiled in a relationship culture (yes we can create our own) that blocks connection and love. Sometimes it just takes learning some skills to recreate a culture that leans toward love and we end up in a totally different direction.

I often hear couples saying they haven't made love in a long time. I find that a little sad (though understandable), when the very thing that can help create the connection ie. relaxing the bodies together in a way that is non-goal oriented, will soothe and calm relationship stress.

It sounds counter-intuitive but I often say to couples, 'stop talking and just let your bodies be together.' It can make such a difference.

Once a relationship has reached a stage of maturity, it does take effort, patience, and compassion. And most of all it takes a willingness to be present. And to stay in the transaction of relating.

But that's not easy to do on your own. That's why I'm here.

If you are genuinely wanting a truthful, authentic relationship that is a safe place to land, that is healing and that brings you both on the same page emotionally and sexually, I can support the regeneration of love in your relationship in either the next Making Love Retreat, 6-12th November or my private work with couples. Read more here.

I know for many, it's not been an easy year and this might just be the balm you need to soothe your soul.

If you are recovering from the loss of a relationship, I feel you. I really do. I can also support your journey onward. I work with both men and women and you can contact me here.

In the end, Missy says, for anyone going through this, "you're not broken. You're just human." You can read the full post on Missy's Facebook page here. It was published on June 12.