Detox your Relationships

‘Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.’  

I love this quote by Nelson Mandela. What a man …. to have endured such injustice and still have forgiveness in his heart!

It’s great to do a physical cleanse and really detoxify the body. But how are we poisoning our bodies with emotions like resentment and bitterness?

Many do not realise emotions such as these can create an enormous amount of toxicity and chemicals that can radically affect one’s health AND the health of a relationship.

Tension in a relationship can put a heavy load on one’s immune system and physical well-being to the point where one can become very ill.

When high emotion is present, it travels through the connective tissue, which connects the deepest cells and layers with the most superficial and this spirals through the body 4 and a half to 5 times. If thoughts of resentment or bitterness are looping around in your head then chances are the chemical toxin by-product is travelling around your body as well.

Taking revenge by saying or doing things that you regret afterwards is another way of poisoning the relationship that sometimes it or the other never recovers from.

It happens. We are human.

So how can we stop ourselves from getting to the point of resentment and bitterness and then taking revenge?

Recently, someone close by said something to me at a highly sensitive time (when my father was dying). Immediately I flew into a rage with a feeling of injustice. When I am like that, I know there is no sense in trying to have any kind of discussion because the logical part of my brain is just not accessible. Somehow I had the fortitude to remove myself and go swimming.

I cried and cried and cried and swam and swam and swam. It was so freeing. It helped me gain clarity and compassion. It also allowed these chemicals to be released through the tears and the activity.

As I swam I realized that the source of my anger was actually my passion and conviction. Trying to ‘get rid’ of the anger or feeling wrong for it actually was suppressing the very thing I needed at that time – which was to stay in touch with this passion, conviction and the love that was at the source of that. I also began to understand the other person's needs too. I was able to return to a much better state and then made choices that were healthier for me and the situation.

The thing is you just can't jump to forgiveness. Or it is just a token of forgiveness? I am sure that Nelson Mandela had plenty of time to face his demons before he came to be able to authentically deliver that quote. So there are steps that need to be taken and they are not easy. And that is to actually feel it. Allow the space for the feelings and emotions AWAY from the person or thing. Sometimes this takes time. Honour that. Write. Draw. Express. Move. Get in touch with the deeper layers, the source. When you feel peace, you know it's moved through. See a professional if you just can't get past it all. The Journey Process (as developed by Brandon Bays) is great for this.

Love grows through sensitivity, awareness and clarity.

Let’s take a leaf out of Nelson Mandela’s book and see how we can detoxify our own bodies and relationships through the cleansing and purifying waters of Awareness, Love, Compassion and Forgiveness. If he did it with the enormous injustice in his life, surely we can too.

Apart from an in-depth look at sexuality, at The Making Love Retreat, and at the Feminine Awakening Retreat, we also teach how to deal with emotions as they arise within intimate relationships. To me that's wholistic, that's why I love these retreats.

An abbreviated version of this article was published in the March edition of Holistic Bliss Magazine.

I'd love to hear how you've dealt with high emotion and resentment in your life.

P.S Your body is not broken. Menopause is a gateway, a privilege, a time to embrace change with grace and step into a life that is empowered, loving and alive.  This is your birthright as a woman.  You have been waiting for this all your life... Buy my book Tantric Sex and Menopause on Amazon AUS, Amazon US & Amazon UK.