He didn't think it would be this way...
It was that one thing she said.
Shame had coursed through his veins so hard that day. It was unbearable.
Shame at his own natural urges, his own simple desire for love, his own yearning for her soft sweet skin against his. And now it had turned to anger.
God knows he'd been working so hard. Holding it together. How could she?
In one way, he knew she was right. He'd been caught out. Running as he had run all his life. Running from what?.... running to what?.... Always just ....running, running, running.
She sits staring blankly. Her heart yearning for connection. But he has closed the door. It is brutal. Cold.
He loves her. She knows it. And she loves him. Does he really know that? Is his shame and anger so loud that he can't hear or see her love for him?
This impasse seems hopeless. If only she could reach him again.
If only they could find a roadmap to navigate this seemingly treacherous journey of broken hearts and missing pieces.
For some this is the end.... for others this is the beginning.
There's something in NLP called 'pattern interrupt'. You do something so unexpected that the natural order and pattern of behaviour gets interrrupted and creates a shift in perspective, a shift in behaviour, a shift in the brain even.
If there is some kind of stuckness in any relationship of yours at present, think about something that could 'interrupt' that pattern. Something positive and loving that the other person simply would not expect. Something that might delight them, thrill them, gently surprise them.
But not as a manipulation. Be careful of that.
Do it in the spirit of expecting nothing and no particular result.
Simply as an act of love and a willingness to let down your own guard and connect.
It could be as simple as making the first move to hug the other, if you are not the 'hugging' type. It could be arranging a surprise date when you are not the one who ever organises anything. It could be making a meal when you never cook. (Find a tried and true recipe!)
Or it could be being willing to make a time to set aside the hurts and create the space for intimacy - slow, sweet intimacy that helps the body melt into love. The healing balm of just being, in presence with one another satiates the yearning, begins to heal the grief of past hurts and losses.
It's worth a try.
And if you want to 'pattern interrupt' in a big way, we still have a space left for the upcoming Making Love Retreat, 14th - 20th October. Not long now. :)
Some people can't stand the idea of being in a room with other strangers around the issue of sex - I get that. But most find that it actually assists them to feel they are not alone and they learn so much from the humility and wisdom of each other in this space, it's life changing. Men learn from men, women learn from women. Men get to hear other women share and women hear other men. The space of the group seems to open up so many insights and possibilities. It's powerful. It's profound. And very heart-opening.
So if this is for you and you want to shift beyond any impasse as a couple, be it small or big, our little team - Gene, Jodie and I welcome you with all our hearts.
Making Love Retreat - 14th - 20th October 2018, (also 20th - 27th April 2019)
Womantime 6 Month Immersion - starting in November
And if you haven't purchased Tantric Sex and Menopause yet - always remember our books here.