I really am a hopeless romantic. But I'm a cracker when it comes to Valentine's Day. I've seen more conflicts and disappointments from expectations not being met than I think it's worth.
To me, make every day a celebration of your relationship. And the greatest gift you can give your partner, your lover, is your PRESENCE.
I don't mean, 'well I'm here. Isn't that being present?' No I mean, full-bodied, full open-hearted, meet my eyes, PRESENCE.
Body language, facial expression, physiology is a large part of our communication. In fact, studies have shown that words are only 7%.
If I am always turned away from you when I speak, always on my phone, or I don't stop and really give my attention when I hug, I am not being fully present.
Even if we don't consciously notice another's ABSENCE, our body feels it, our heart feels it. And then we wonder why there is so much mismatched communication. And so quickly we can fall into misinterpretation, disappointment, and conflict.
Presence is healing. It is embracing. It is saying 'I love you' even without the words.
One area where we can become so absent in mind and body is lovemaking. And it is a by-product of mindlessly going about the routine of sex, as it has always been. The routine of sex can make us relatively absent, without even knowing that we are!
And absence makes us disconnect from our hearts and bodies, which can leave us feeling bereft, even though we've just been intimate. It doesn't seem to make sense.
What if each moment could be fresh in the unfolding of your lovemaking?
What if there was no routine?
What if you could feel your bodies finally relaxing without the tension of sex and without all its past skeletons coming out to haunt you?
That's what PRESENCE in lovemaking can bring. Wishing you a Happy Valentines Day with lots of 'presence'!
I'm so looking forward to our May Making Love Retreat which is filling up now.
The last two years have been intense for all. And this might be just the medicine you, your body, and your relationship really needs. Click here for more info
And if you'd like to arrange a free 30 min no obligation call with me as a couple to find out more about the retreat click here
Mother Love
The sweetest thing happened recently.
My mother just turned 90. As she gets older, I notice a gentleness growing more and more in her. To hug her is like hugging a feather. She is so incredibly 'light' now. Though small in stature, her heart and compassion have widened. Something I noticed in my dad as he grew older too.
As a few of us were sitting around the morning after her birthday...
The Intimate Life of the Narcissist
Twenty years ago, we never heard the term, 'Narcissist'.
Only in myths. Now everyone is talking about Narcissism, and thank god it's happening. I think it's been the hidden cause of serious relationship problems and sadly, abuse that has been left unchecked. But the narcissist can be right under our own roof. The more subtle ones. And how I wish I knew about this back in my 20's, 30's, and 40's.
Like...
The Dismantling
Sometimes I think I'm just way too sensitive for this world. But if you're reading this, maybe you feel that too.
I don't think any of us are out of the firing line of loss, grief, or trauma right now, whether that is personal, communal, or universal. And all these affect our relationships deeply.
There's a dismantling, a shattering, a shaking of our foundations, that is so collective, none of us...
When the Heart Quivers
The quiver of the heart.
A phenomenon that is rarely spoken of. Yet something very real, available, and life-affirming.
I truly believe that the body is a vessel of Love. And that Love is programmed into every cell. We all know that the heart area is where we feel love.
There's an expansion felt in the chest when we love. Or a heaviness felt in the chest when we grieve the loss of...
The Gift of Presence
I really am a hopeless romantic. But I'm a cracker when it comes to Valentine's Day. I've seen more conflicts and disappointments from expectations not being met than I think it's worth.
To me, make every day a celebration of your relationship. And the greatest gift you can give your partner, your lover, is your PRESENCE.
I don't mean, 'well I'm here. Isn't that being present?' No I mean, full-bodied, full open-hearted,...
Love is the Life-saver
It's no doubt that 2021 has been a challenge for many, if not all of us. The pressure on relationships is off the Richter scale.
On all types of relationships - friendships, partnerships, love-ships, family-ships, work-ships. Many types of ships.
And the thing about ships is that at the moment, many are all out to sea. With no rudder, no mainstay, no land in sight, and no lifeboats left.
We are being tossed...
Resonating with this?
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