When I visited India a couple of years ago, the one thing that stood out to me most was the grace and elegance of the women.
I remember watching and being mesmerized by a band of women working on a two-storey building. I was surprised to notice how often they were the ones working in the more physical tasks... Yet here, they moved up the ladders and along the floors like a mystery and their laughter was like a running brook. Their saris hung and swirled around them like a lyrical song. Indian women play with colour and light boldly and unapologetically.
To me they are among the most sensual in the world – in the way they dress, the way they walk, the way they move. There is something about that country. Perhaps it’s the tantric way. Tantra is so woven into their culture - it exists in their very ancestry, in their very bones. The country itself is steeped in mystery, in creativity, in life.
Sadly though, India is also plagued by enormous suppression of women. Yet even in the face of this suppression, their grace shines through.
For many western women however, this grace and sensuality doesn't come as naturally as this.
What makes a woman sensual?
A dear respected colleague once said to me that sexuality is a woman’s religion. I actually think that Sensuality is a woman’s religion. The Sensual is what brings us alive. It’s what makes us tick. It’s what moves us to create, to love, to joy, to pleasure.
To be sensual, you have to be living completely present in your senses – touch, sound, sight – I see, I hear, I feel. Yet for many western women, the mantra is ‘I do, I do and I do more’. She gets caught in a flurry of “doing”... but ‘doing’ without being present in her body, closes a woman’s heart. Her love can’t shine. It is hidden. And all the joy, colour and play that she could bring to the world, gets lost.
We may open up to our sensuality while making love but why leave sensuality just for the bedroom when it can be part of the whole fabric of your daily life?
The Key to Doing Life Without Losing The Sensual
Sensuality is the presence that illuminates the soul of a woman that radiates her natural love and fills her heart to wonderment. She doesn’t have to effort at all – she just is.
As soon as a woman develops the art of being in her body, she makes the shift from mind-oriented to heart oriented, from doing to being, from closed to open. She can still be active and productive. In fact, movement for a woman is the sensual switch to her soul, her heart, her uniquemystery. That’s why women light up when they dance. But there has to be something that is a constant – whether she moves or is still, there is a presence that can live alive in her, that moves her without her ‘doing’ it.
This presence is a key to her sensuality. This presence is about her being anchored in her body. And when a woman moves from here, she feels good. When she feels good, she is more joyous, more loving, and more beautiful. There is more spaciousness for her love to shine.
Love is the light that shines through her body. This is a woman’s true beauty.
When she connects with this, with awareness, she is moving from a different place and you can’t help but watch her... She has something.
Though she doesn’t often know it, developing this art, when it is not woven into our culture is what the starving western woman is aching for. But it really is very simple.
How to Connect with Your Sensuality
There are many ways. Just for today, try this, standing preferably. (And men can try this too!)
Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in and let it go.
Relax your shoulders. Let go of tension.
Bring your attention to 3 inches just below the navel and back inside, known as the dantien in chigung – for a woman, it’s the area of your womb. And if your womb has been removed, it makes no difference. That place is still there.
Now turn the corners of your mouth up with a little smile as you imagine and celebrate that love actually exists right here in your womb, in your heart, in your WHOLE body – your whole disposition will change.
Imagine you are under water and a gentle current is moving you, while your awareness remains anchored in your hips and lower body, through your legs to the floor. Your movements are flowing, gentle and relaxed. With each breath, you enter even more deeply into the lower part of your body, and your pelvic space. As you enter more and more, you notice that your movements are slow, unhurried and luxurious. You may even wish to run your fingertips along any bare skin of your body, your face, and your arms… slowly.
Just experience this for a few minutes. Feel the pleasure of this.
When you find yourself ‘doing’, trying to make it happen or getting tense, come back to relaxation, to the body, the womb, the legs, home… to love.
Too simple? Take the time to try it. While making love, this practice will deepen and amplify your whole experience as you notice your movement will be slower, more conscious and profoundly more sensual.
Attracting what you want
This a pretty first world issue I must admit. We are privileged to be even able to contemplate concepts like sensuality as mostly, living in a western country, our sirvival needs are met.
it’s important that being more sensual doesn’t become another goal, to use to conquer or seduce another.
So for those who are wanting more in life and relationships, moving gracefully in a busy world requires just a few moments of connecting through your own body and presence. .... and moving from the lower part of your body, the hips, the pelvis in a relaxed way.
This way, you can experience the joy and grace of sensuality in your everyday life, whether that is at work, play, or making love.
Sensual Lovemaking for Couples
Slow sensual lovemaking increases pleasure, joy and relaxation - the perfect antidote to the western lifestyle, triggering the relaxation hormone oxytocin, which regenerates the body, mind and soul. You can read more about that in my previous post.
If YOU are aching to bring more sensuality to your relationship, you are in the right place to experience The Making Love Retreat. Give yourselves this gift – we’d love to see you there. Register here
If you’d love to hear more, I will be sharing more keys to sensuality, sexuality and spirituality at NetConnect on International Women’s Day on March 5th at Mooloolaba – http://www.enlightenedgoddesses.com/events/seminars/
Love to see you there!
P.S Your body is not broken. Menopause is a gateway, a privilege, a time to embrace change with grace and step into a life that is empowered, loving and alive. This is your birthright as a woman. You have been waiting for this all your life... Buy mine and Diana's book Tantric Sex and Menopause on Amazon AUS, Amazon US & Amazon UK.
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This one. Me, 23, in Rockhampton in 1984.
A few months later my whole life was about to be turned upside down. I was having a heap of fun, had the best job ever. Art teacher at Rocky Girls Grammar. So good. Never really had any aspirations. Was just like a leaf floating along the river of life.
It’s been years and years since I’ve allowed myself time to r e a l l y, t r u l y, w h o l e h e a r t e d l y relax.
Cortisol levels rising before, during and after menopause make anxiety a very real thing for many mid-life women. So delicate is a woman’s hormonal system it makes times like these a must for us to maintain balance.
This is becoming common knowledge now but when I was researching for our book, Tantric Sex and Menopause almost 5 years ago, no one was talking about it.
For years I have written about women closing down sexually. I'm kind of known for it.
But the thing is that men close down too. We all do - it is not necessarily gender specific.
It's just that men usually have naturally high testosterone, rising by 800% in a boy's teens, which makes him highly sexually driven, also give that it is his dymanic pole, in a Tantric sense.
Testosterone can remain high until his 50's - 60's and still quite a reasonable level into his 70's, as long as he is healthy.
But some men find that they have absolutley no drive for sex and no erection at all, even at younger ages - 30's - 40's. And the heart breaking thing is - like women, is that they don't want to be closed....
There's an acceleration of consciousness sweeping the planet right now. Can you feel that?
Things that were 'fringe' 30 years ago are now mainstream.
Conversations that were behind closed doors are now open and in the nightly news - abuse, depression, anxiety, sex offenders and narcissistic leaders being called out etc etc.
The world is now wanting authenticity. Not a glossed version of 'I have it all together' - it's about realness.
There's one real conversation that I am glad is being had now too and it's about another change - 'the' change - yes the change women go through anywhere from their late 30's, 40's, 50's. Menopause, peri-menopause.
There's nothing more real than your body changing unexpectedly or even gradually - looking down at it and seeing what once was up is now down!